Sinister: This mail is a torrent of wee. Read it if you must.

[Alasdair Cook MS1996]

Hello gorgeous ones.

What is it with Sinister lookie-likies on buses? This morning the
spitting image of Sam Norman got on, and on Friday night there was a
bloke who looked like Joss Moorkens. Unfortunately it was only after I'd
felt his arse and got a smack in the gob for me troubles that I
discovered it was in fact only a very angry Scottish bloke. Luckily I've
got a good supply of soup in the house at the mo.

I also had a dream with the Booze Explosion in it, but can't remember
anything about it other than I thought she was someone else for ages,
then realised she was prettier than the person I thought she was, and
had an Irish accent. Then I woke up. Not very interesting, I know.

I met the most honest tramp in the world the other day. He came up to me
and said
"Could ye spare any change? It's no fur a cup a tea, it's fur a can a
beer. Ah don't like tae lie, ye see "

However I didn't think encouraging his alcoholism would be a prudent
move, so I lied and said I only had a tenner. And he said he was very
sorry to bother me, and went away. I'd have asked for the tenner.

Great sunset the other night. One of those ones that turns the clouds
orange on the bottom, then pink. I watched it from the bus and smiled a
lot.

Tim "The Horse and Arse" Hopkins:

> A nasty thought occurred to me this morning. You know
> how pet owners are supposed to grow to look like their
> pets? I fear I may be taking on many features of my
> favourite place in the world, i.e. the pub. I realised
> that I am stained with, and stinking of, old bad beer
> and stale cigarettes, my upholstery is looking
> distinctly worn, and there is a suspicious odour
> drifiting from the toilet area. 

I'd say he's more of an upmarket wine bar. Have you seen the prices he
charges for a swift one? The service is terrible as well. 

God, Scotland were pish last night. "I've never seen such a display of
shiteness in all my life!", as drunken bum and part time guitarist Alun
Woodward said at Bowlie. However due to the most dodgy refereeing
decision this side of the last Holyfield - Lewis fight, we are in the
playoffs, where we will no doubt be gubbed by England.

Snow Patrol were entertaining as ever on Friday night, even if no-one
else likes them except me. The gist of their set was:

Gary Patrol: "Cheer the fuck up, you miserable Scottish bastards! Start
dancing, abuse me, abuse my body like I abuse yours!"

Crowd: "Your maw's got baws, your maw's got baws!"

GP: "Cunts, cunts, whores, whores!"

Crowd: "You fucking Irish bastards, you're shite!"

GP: "You really are a shower of shite, aren't you?" [takes off trousers
and shows arse]

Lovely stuff. Actually the best bit was when the lead singer from Senna
ran on and fell over the stage, then stole the microphone. But you had
to be there I guess.

Oh, Elizabeth just said:

> Speaking of Richard, I think Pumpkinny failed to mention that we saw him
> posing as a member of Snow Patrol on Mark and Lardie's Pop Quiz the other
> week. The average indie kid might well have been fooled but not us!

Well he is sort of, if you can call playing the shakers and a little bit
of keyboard being a member of the band. 

The DJ played REM's cover of the Clique's 'Superman' the other night,
which made me happy. All the best bands have names begin with Cl you
know. The Clique, The Clash, The Clientele, Club 8, The Clai...oh, there
goes that theory. Is there a band called The Clangers, and if not, why
not? There used to be a band called The Clitoris, but their records are
notoriously hard to find.

Somebody kill me before I write a book.

Alasdair xx
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