Sinister: Anyone can fall in love, that's the easy part, but keeping it going..

[shut your maawf you dozy taaart]

in last week's episode

robert foster (who seems unhealthily concerned with people's willies)

if all goes to plan I could have me a poetry parrot, or that retched
dinosaur arse hole.  I heard that he's trying to snuff the parrot out so
that he can be the new poetry hard man, a sort of gay Dirty Den.

--------------------------------------


This week on Ianstenders....

"shut yawr mawf you dozy cawr.......I never lavd ya...I aalways lavd
Jan...She was miles classier than yaa'll evver be"  Ian slaps Anita
Roddick....(should be Anita Dobson but we couldn't get her) around the chops
and storms out of the bar.  Angie/Anita collapses into a heap on the floor
sobbing.

Close up of Ian's evil face, staring up at the streetlamps of Oaklands Road
and laughing... he mutters the words "stupid cawr..." to himself before
climbing into his car and driving off to see his mistress (who is, of
course, only masquerading under the name Jan and is really a seven foot Sumo
wrestler named Sid)

Back to Anita, crawling across the floor of the Queen Mick and sobbing
something incoherent about peppermint footwash..

stayed tuned for the next episode..
----------------------------

Well, I'm trying...I'm even using capitals to dispell that tweeness and
enhance my new evil persona....

I must warn you sir, that if you insult my pterodactyl, you insult me, and I
am handy with a whip-and-chain..
Well, it seems the pottery pterodactyl was not a resounding success...oh my
poor ceramic baby...what have they done to you?  nothing, except cast
aspersions on your sexuality?  And I didn't even give you genitals?  Well,
that's life kiddo.  Sit and ponder the essential thanklessness of it all and
recite us a poem:

"A Doll's House"

A man sat staring at a doll's house
Hour after hour and more and more
He believed.  He could see
In the kitchenette two personettes
And one of them was standing in the sink
And one lay on the floor.

The man stared more and more

The bed in the bathroom was neatly made up with a
Pink eiderdown neatly made up from a
Pink ribbon.  But noone was in the bed
And noone was in the bathroom.
Only a horse
Was trying the door.

The man stared more and more.

Then softly the man went in,
Edged down
Past the creaky banisters, down
He crept
To the hall, hid nimbly
Behind a cow.

>From the sink: "My dear,
That tractor's on the roof again, I fear."
Sadly from the floor "These nights
It always seems to be there."

Then silence between
Personette A and Personette B
Now like a matchstick drumming a plastic thimble,
Now like the sea.

>From the sink; "How I wish, my dear,
That you and I could move house.
But these matters are not in our hands.  Our directives
Come from above."
Said the floor: "How can we ever move house
When the house keeps moving, my love?"

A man sat staring at a doll's house
Hour after hour and more and more
He believed he could see
Perspectives of the terrorized world,
Delicate, as a new-tooled body,
Monstrous, mad as he.

Kit Wright.



Coo gently, my pottery friend, and think of new tales for us all.
Mr Foster, if you want my pterodactyl, you are welcome to borrow.  Just
don't try and make it do anything unsavoury...

oh...one last thing..  megan said

>opposition will be listened to, but surely overcome, as the new order of
>sebastianites leads the procession into the next battlefield.  join to us,
>we like thai elephants!

and for that, you get my list crush vote...whether you want it or not...

Dirty Ian

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