Sinister: The gas man and the inflatable cod

[Vince Russell]

Well hello everyone,

The exploits of Steve will live on, I have evidence that he still lives,
great news huh? To continue the saga, Steve was last seen in a club in
Fulham, having a really great time I have to add, I woke the next day with
no sign of my piscean friend anywhere, so I presumed him dead, I have been
in mourning ever since. And then came a phone call, late last night, now I
know what your going to say and I won't worry because I've translated
Steve's transcript in English,

Steve : Hi is Vince there?
Vince : Speaking
S : Hi Vince, it's Steve!
V : Steve? Is this some sort of joke?
S : No, it's me Steve the Fish
V : I thought you'd...you know...passed on
S : No no, when you left I was getting passionate with a girl called Susie
from Worcester
V : What?
S : She was really nice...and...well...we've decided to get married and tour
the world
V : WHAT!!!!
S : I'm sorry if this is a bit of a shock to you, but...
V : Bloody right it's a shock, you're a fish!
S : Racist bastard!
V : What? How am I racist?
S : Well, you said I couldn't travel the world because i'm a fish!
V : An inflatable fish I might add
S : Look, I called to see if you were all right with this but I can see i'm
wasting my...
V : Steve, Steve, look, i'm sorry, i'm just really surprised, and i'll
like...you know...miss you
S : I'll be back, and don't worry i'll write to you
V : When do you leave?
S : Tonight
V : Take care Steve, say Hi to Susie for me
S : Bye Vince.
V : <sob> Bye Steve <sob> <sob>

So Steve has gone, but has not died, to all those on the list who live
outside the UK, if you see Steve say Hi from me, he's a good guy, and
according to Steve's brother, Jonathan, Susie's a great girl also.

And me? i'll be fine, I have my eye on a very nice small plastic hedgehog
called Andrea.

Bye for now,

Vince.


----- Original Message -----
From: Martin Robinson <martin at xxx.uk>
To: <sinister at Majordomo.net>
Sent: Friday, October 08, 1999 12:57 PM
Subject: Sinister: The gas man and the inflatable cod


> Dear all,
>
> I'm afraid I bring bad news to all those admirers and followers of Steve
> the inflatable fish. He is missing presumed dead after having several
> drinks and then being passed round the dancefloor, a bit like Owen Meany
> in Sunday school, of a small club in trendy Fulham. Rumours of an
> inflatable Crimewatch special, as of yet, are unfounded. The Wake is
> presently being delayed in case his deflated remains are found. The
> saddest part of it all is that I never got the chance to tell him that I
> loved him really.
>
> Anyway, at the absence of anything constructive to say and not wishing
> to extend the heated Richard Stilgoe debate to the highlights of the
> career of the amusingly spectacled Cristopher Biggins I shall just
> continue pointlessly and say: I think Mr Casarotto's spiel on Mr Ken
> Kesey was more than a bit harsh
>
> >What a grade A cunt that Ken
> >Kesey must be! And Pete's letter just made me spit bile - his account
> of
> >Kesey's experiments is all the evidence I need for the introduction of
> >compulsory lobotomies for anyone who thinks any thoughts they have
> while
> >tripping are worth foisting on anyone else. Very big and clever you sad
> old
> >men.
>
> Wasn't Kesey was paid by the American government to take LSD? As they
> had no idea what effect it had. He then, being of an open mind, began
> experimenting with it and passing it on to all his mates. LSD had no
> history at this point, so they weren't to know that it would be
> responsible for a load of hippies walking round going "Wow man!". So in
> conclusion everything is the fault of the American government, quelle
> surprise, and it is probably they who are the "grade A cunt"'s.
>
> Aren't gassy men a pain? The bloke came to replace the pump on my
> central heating yesterday and then in the evening I get water coming
> through the kitchen. Apparently he damaged the gas cylinder making it
> leak, so they drained that and now have to replace to it. Consequently I
> have no hot water and the only thing heated in my abode was the
> conversation I had with the gas board to get it fixed quickly. What a
> bunch of "grade A cunt"'s they are (I can use this nasty word all the
> time now and just say I'm quoting that foul mouthed fouler Casarotto).
> Anyway can I start a new list of recommended domestic heating service
> providers? Go electric kids you won't regret it.
>
> Time to conclude this tedium as there's a pint with my name on it.
>
> Te ra,
>
> Martin
>
> ear confection recordings
> (http://www.send.demon.co.uk)
>
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>  +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+
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   +---+  Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list  +---+
  To send to the list mail "sinister at majordomo.net". To unsubscribe
   send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to
  "majordomo at majordomo.net".  WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+
 +-+  "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+
 +-+                     "jelly-filled danishes"                   +-+
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