Sinister: Please excuse my big feet

[Dan Hooper]

Howdy all you sinister kids,

Seem I inadvertently trod upon zoe's toes in my last post, and for 
this I sincerely apologize. My intention was not to hurt anyone's 
feeling or cast aspersions upon anyone's home, but merely to suggest 
some fun in the sun. I am sorry if my humor missed it's mark. I meant 
no disrespect or to make a new member feel bad.

I would also like to thank all those of you for your messages of 
condolence for my recent heartache, even those who upbraided me for 
my foolishness (thanks and smiles Brandt). I'm still tumbling down 
the road towards hopeless romanticism, I'm still searching for my 
soulmate (which I obviously still believe in), and I still don't love 
anyone in particular (except maybe my sister, though I do love all of 
you for your indulgence and kindness). Anyway, I'm back to my old 
happy, cashmere-socks wearing self, wishing I were downing 
boddington's with b & s loving people in a dark warm pub and falling 
in love with a sweet pickish girl with a soft warm accent.

Oh well, I'll live vicariously through the sinister postings. I 
remember, not so long ago, there were some rather forward party 
behaviours reported here. How come none of the parties I go to 
devolve to such decadent levels? (well they do, but not before we 
have to take the girls home).

Regarding what we call sex: I've always found "making love" a bit too 
precious (unless it is said in a Barry White kinda voice), but 
otherwise I have to agree with danielle. "Shagging," like so many 
britishisms, really captures all fun and dumbness and there is to say 
about it, but to use it on this side of the pond makes you sound like 
your sending up Austin Powers. "Fuck" and "screw" sound too rude to 
use with someone you really like, and the ever popular "do it," and 
"hide the salami" can be confusing after a few beers. So I like 
"boink" or "bonk." They sound fun, silly, and lighthearted like 
"shag," but with out the crushed velvet aftertaste. But the best are 
the secret codes we establish with our regular lovers, like "and what 
prodigious mowing shall we make?"

Alasdair's explanation of the baseball analogy we yanks use to 
describe our sexual exploits is much tamer than what I learned in the 
backseat of my father's oldsmobile, but certainly more fitting with 
the experiences in my cafe. For a graphic depiction of the more 
traditional take on this analogy listen to "Paradise By The Dashboard 
Light" from Meatloaf's first Bat Out of Hell Album (I wouldn't 
necessarily buy it, but with the number of units that album continues 
to sell, you might be surprized at who you might borrow it from). A 
homerun is pretty obvious, but the bases are harder to pin down. They 
seem to vary depending on geographic location, education, and 
socio-economic background of the participants. I've even heard it 
differ between the participants (The boy: "I didn't go any further 
than first base, after all it was only our third date" The girl: "He 
was so close to home it wasn't even funny. I guess he doesn't like 
me.").

And just for the record, I love the gentle wind LP and still think 
Isobel is babe. I too make passes at girls who were glasses.  With 
that I bid you good weekend and

All the best
Daniel Hooper

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