Sinister: like telling e. e. cummings to use caps. Would he listen? No. Little n. Little o

[Laura Llew]

The worst thing happened to me. Ok, so it wasn't THE worst since neither 
fire, rabbits, midgets, or leather was involved. But it wasn't the best 
thing either. Something terribly embarrassing happened to me yesterday in 
which 3 people witnessed. I was hoping that it would all be forgotten and no 
one would mention again. Well, of course it wasn't. Now, it was most 
humiliating so I won't go into details but just know that I"m not too easily 
embarrassed. Most likely because I'm so used to it - but this is horrid. 
Anyway, the 2 guys who saw it will not let up. Today, I saw one and quickly 
tried to leave the area before he saw me. Unfortunately, I was too late and 
he latched on my arm retelling all of the events in a loud manner so 
everyone could here. I walked quicker, mumbled 'that's nice - glad i could 
entertain. thanks. go away.' but he kept at it. I finally ditched him, sat 
down, and buried my face in my hands. That's when my mother came up to me 
laughing saying how the other guy had just told her the FUNNIEST thing about 
me. He said they had laughed at me for almost 2 hours and of course they're 
spreading the tale. ACK! I spent the next hour plotting my demise. There 
were no sharpened pencils or anything else with a point around so I was 
getting creative.  Anyway, does anyone have any stories about embarrassing 
things that happened to them, where they thought they were going to die but 
it turned out ok? Please share them with me - I need hope and a good 
chuckle.

As you can gather, I completely approve, condone, and partake in talking 
about one's personal life to the list - especially if you need some place to 
vent and be comforted. What else are we here for? I mean I heard this nasty 
little rumor once that it was to talk about b&s but isn't that what we end 
up listening to when these things happen to us? We're a community - perhaps 
a family (although a strange one with a mother named Honey with over a 
thousand illegitimate kiddies). We each have our own talents, gifts to the 
list, problems, and so forth. In college, I assigned each of my roommates & 
myself (6 total) a role like those of the abusive family - the abuser, the 
lost child, the hero, the scapegoat, etc. I got labelled the scapegoat since 
as one of my roommates said, "If there is something in the apartment broken, 
Laura did it." (She was a sweetie. She also told one guy, who was a friend 
of her boyfriend, who said he would like to go out with me even though he 
had just met me, "Guys like you don't date girls like Laura." I never had 
the courage to ask her what she meant). So, if any of you need a scapegoat 
feel free to blame me for your problems. I'll take complete responsibility 
for you failing that test, forgetting your mom's birthday, robbing the 7-11, 
napalming innocent children in Asia, or wearing white after Labor Day.

Personally, I plan to inform the list if any of the following things happen 
to me:
1. I marry and change my last name. After all, it would effect how I sign my 
posts.
2. Become a superhero. Unless, I have to keep my identity a secret. Well I 
guess most superheros do - so scratch this one.
3. Have any illicit affairs with the president or any state officials. 
(However, I retain the right to cry to Barbara Walters and pose for 
magazines before sharing any details with the list.)
4. Publish all of my e-mails in book form. I'm thinking deluxe, 
leather-bound, limited edition. Maybe an audiotaped version where you get a 
famous actor to read it, like Michelle Pfeiffer, Sandra Bullock, or maybe 
even Isobel or Wynonna Ryder or Jewel or Rich Little doing an impression of 
Tattoo from Fantasy Island....

However, I absolutely refuse to tell the post if I die. Sorry, it just ain't 
going to happen.....

Random Thought:  Does anyone else completely love autumn? Mmmm there is 
nothing about it that I do not like. The trees changing color, the briskness 
of the air, the smells, the pies, the apple cider, Halloween approaching.... 
MMM, how could this not be your favorite season? Sorry, I just finished 
making a pumpkin pie from scratch and am revelling in the season. Its the 
first time I've attempted such a task and besides the fact that it looks 
like Charlie Brown's Great Pumpkin Patch has been relocated to our kitchen - 
it turned out well.

Ok back on task....
Sincereness personified in the form of Dan Hooper said,
>"She even told me that I was 'too perfect'."
Well, there's the problem - too much perfection. I've been accused of such 
things myself. ha ha ha. To me the whole knowing someone through letters 
before you actually know them has been romanticized through movies (Shop 
Around the Corner, You Got Mail) and songs (Impossible Things #2). Stories 
which make me sigh and get that warm fuzzy feeling like I've just drunk 
spoiled milk (did that one for you, dan Ü hehe) but never seem to apply to 
me.  There are some people who I adore receiving e-mails from. They never 
fail to leave my face with a smile, my heart with a chuckle, and my spirit 
edified. I also think that a part of us is revealed in letters that 
otherwise others would be ignorant about. As John Donne said, "More than 
kisses, letters mingle souls."

Well, I would like to thank you all again for all the wonderous posts that 
you write. They're so intriguing, alluring, _enigmatic_ if
you will. Only once in my life have I responded to a list the way I've 
responded to this one, but I've forgotten when it was or even if it was in 
fact me that responded. I may not know  much, but I know that the wind sings 
belle and sebastian's name endlessly, although with a slight lisp that makes 
it difficult to understand if I'm standing near an air conditioner...

humiliatingly yours,

Laura

'meeting all of your Laura Llew needs since 1977'

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