Sinister: Damn that Jack Frost !

[Craig]

Congratulations to all the lucky "Insult Tim Hopkins" prize winners. Many
would say that being invited to insult young Tim is a reward in itself, but
I hope you all enjoy your hard won booty (in the UK meaning of the word -
but please feel free to partake in US booty as well). It fills me with a
sense of enormous wellbeing to be part of such a foul mouthed collective.

Will the prize winning and/or most filthy entries ever be released to the
general public ?. I hope so but I'd imagine the temptation to keep them
hush-hush and slowly work them into day to day conversation must be great,
in which case the next person to knock the Hopkins' pint is in for an aural
treat of no small measure.

I got handed an extensive Health & Safety manual at work today. Most of it
was quite reasonable but at times it did get a little weird. Under the
"Safety with Office Products" section there was some advice on how to avoid
papercuts*, apparently it's wise to "avoid running your fingers along the
edge of pages" and "don't hold paper to close to your face". I feel the
world's a much safer place now, other handy hints warned of the dangers of
falling off your chair and how to avoid walking into things such as doors
and other people.... the key to this is keeping your speed down and not
reading and walking at the same time.

I suspect the manual was written by the same person who felt it necessary to
include the instructions "Open Packet, Eat Contents" on packets of airline
peanuts.

Also today saw the official launch of my new game "Star's on Your Tube".
It's very much like "Stars in Their Eyes" except it takes place on public
transport and there's no singing involved, thus avoiding messy copyright
lawsuits. In fact the only qualifying criteria is that the (unwitting)
contestants must vaguely look like someone well known. It probably says a
lot about my state of mind first thing in the morning but in today's heats
"MP Robin Cook" and "Annie Lennox" were narrowly beaten by "The old swimming
bloke off the Guinness adverts".

I guess you had to be there.

Did anyone else see the "Milli Vanilli: Behind the Music" program on VH1 a
few days ago ?. It was great and they both came across as being decent
people who got sucked in by a manipulative manger, they even tried to quit
and do their own songs on a few occasions. From a purely voyeuristic point
of view the highlight was undoubtedly footage of that faithful concert where
their backing tape skipped and they were exposed as frauds, to be fair the
tape did loop at quite a good moment and had they remained onstage rather
than running off in a blind panic they could've reached a whole new hardcore
rap audience. Anyway the surviving 'Vanilli' is now a folk type singer in LA
and given B&S's habit of adding a new member each record, Fabrice's call up
can't be too far away.


I've darkened your doorsteps enough today, must dash !.

Craig x


* not Stevie Trousers' publication, obviously.


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