Sinister: All Tomorrow's Parties

Tue Sep 7 11:12:53 BST 1999

--- Joss <scilabs at thumped.com> wrote:
> Evening All.
> My pal just called me to say that All Tomorrow's
> Parties has been cancelled.
> Seems it was announced on the Steve Lamacq
> programme...

Morning Popsicle lickers,

So All Toronto’s Pasties has been cancelled then...
Bugger!

12 reasons why: 
(according to Steve Lamacq, an impromptu interview
with Aidan Moffet, and some other random music-bod):

1. She prefers the night to dayaa! Err, sorry, lets
try again...

1. Generally poor tickets sales: Well what did they
expect with a minimum of ticket purchase of a 4 person
chalet at £420+.

2. Bad timing1: A festival at the arse-end of summer
after people have already paid to go to their choice
of the BIG festivals - "Wow that’s such a wacky idea
it can never fail, the kidz will lap it up, oh yes!" 

3. Bad timing2: Holding it just as virtually all the
student population in the country are either in the
process of returning to Uni, or are in the middle of
the best time there (ie: the first few weeks where
work is light and reunions flow with unlimited
quantities of cheap phishy lager).

4. Bad timing3: Arse-end of summer => beginning of
winter => eventful weather conditions down on the
Sussex coast. Yeah I know everyone will be in chalets,
but it would be a right pisser to have to be inside
most of the time just to avoid hideous weather
conditions, and that beautiful beach would be
completely wasted which would be a crime and a
crying-shame. And what about football, ARGH! what a
nightmare scenario, we wouldn’t be able to judge the
worthiness forthcoming bands on the knobbiliness and
cleanliness  of their knees during the five-aside.

5. Band line-up: The line-up is damned impressive, but
most of them have only just done-the-rounds or are in
the middle of a tour right now, so its not as if its
an extremely rare event (unlike say, seeing Belle &
Sebastian play live).

6. Location: The Camber sands site itself has just
what you need for a festy like this but its in the
middle of no-where, so not even avid fans would be
likely to follow there favourite bands there (eg:
imagine Gorky's, Arab Strap's, or Stereolab's large
home-town troop of fans traipsing down to see them on
the windswept Sussex coast)

7. Err, All the Rod Hull and Emu fans are boycoting it
after they saw the twisted t-shirts sold at the last
one making a mockery of their recently departed idols.

8. Reports of the locals eating stray revellers has
gained popular opinion.

9. Fans aren't prepared for the shock of John Peel not
showing up again.

10. "The bands on just don't have the hard-core
obsessive following that Belle & Sebastian has" (Hey,
that’s you! ;)

11. Something about an ancient curse, where the first
person to dance in the second arena will turn into a
potted seedling and spend the rest of eternity
decorating a dingy nook of the Camber Sands
restaurant.

12. And err, people are staying at home just in case
that weirdo loner J Cocker is there again, trying to
make friends with the kidz by offering them boiled
sweets, piggy-back rides and invitations back to his
chalet to pet his Labrador puppies (And I'm not
falling for that one again, oh no <shudder> ).

So that’s it, but looking on the bright-side: loads of
us are suddenly gonna get a £105 refund, money which
we have already missed (dearly) and adapted to the
loss as necessary, so why don't we pool all our funds
together and do something  B I G !  
Like our own replacement do (or enmasse mourning
session) for the festival that never was.
I avoid order and organisation like the plague (as can
be seem in the dishevelled anarchic manner I keep my
pants & sock drawer in ;) but if another bitter
dejected fool would like to suggest, organise, be
responsible for, and take the blame for fuck-ups for
something we can go to them let the world know you’re
thoughts (or not if they’re really scary!).

Now I must work, with the burden of tears welling
inside me and the acronym 'ATP' echoing eternal
through my thoughts, swelling my heart in
synchronicity with my subdued sobbing mews... < or
some other Morrissey lyric ;>

Take care my fragile children,
unlimited love to each and everyone of you,
paul.

__________________________________________________
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