Sinister: the theatre is full - but I AM NOT!!!!!!!

[ian]

it seems i am now £105 + train fare richer.  how sad..
but enough about that.
 ticketweb, foundation and all their minions must die..but perhaps i'll do
that tomorrow.  when i'm not going to any parties..

blake was asking about hefner and spookily mentioned that bible of wank
known as Q in the same posting.  well, oddly enough, my friend bought a copy
of the aforementioned masturzine whilst she was looking after my
cats
...perusing it (but only for the pictures...honest)  i found the
following snippet from a concert review

"Live, Hefner add a pedal steel guitar to their standard bass-guitar-drums
trio and prove themselves nowhere near as shambolic or weedy as indie peers
such as belle and sebastian"

so an endorsement from Q at the expense of our darlings.  that puts me off a
little.
the same magazine, by the way, has reviews of mel c and offspring.  if
that's credible, give me weedy any day


well, the weekend was a funny one and no mistake.  there i was, saturday
afternoon,
minding my own business as it swam somewhere beneath the surface of a pint
of guinness and guess what happens?  i get chatted up by a film star.

yeah, i know it sounds glamorous, but he's been following me round all week
and its getting a little tedious.

anyway, the first thing i know about it is there's the smell of spearmint to
my left.  i sneak a look round carefully, hoping its that man with the
raincoat again.  its not.
  its hugh bloody grant.  i point out the part of the pub where the hookers
sit and he just smiles, laughs, twinkles his eyes and stares a little.

i'm sort of used to this, because the woman who tells me about her communion
with jesus at the bus stop has a habit of doing the same thing.  so i use
the same tactics as i do with her, i smile sweetly, nod and wait for the bus
to come.

then i realise i'm in a pub and that's not going to happen.  anyway, i sit
with my legs apart and try to look like a heterosexual.  damn, i knew
wearing my pink lame boob tube would only cause problems.  it doesn't work.
he leans over towards me and whispers, somewhat seductively "hey...if i said
you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?".

i tell him i'll do it for fifty quid and a bag of maltesers and nothing
less.  but it seems he is not going to reward me financially... he says "i
have rubber gloves at my flat"

i tell him i have a pair of marigolds too, but i only use them to change the
cat litter.  this silences him for a minute and then he licks my ear.

well, that was the end of that.  i leave my pint and storm out.  god, if i
can't have a quiet saturday afternoon planning my sunday morning hangover
without hollywood celebrities sniffing round my protrusions, what the hell
is the world coming to?

people haven't recognised me this week, because i've had to wear a disguise.
happily, i think my cunning use of a red kagool and an oven glove has kept
the stalker away.  although i'm sure i can feel someone watching me as i
type...

onto other things..if anyone's read this far.  all tomorrows pissups sounds
grand.  i'll bring my bright yellow and pink microphone from the kit kat
kafe and we can all sing into it.  or not, as the case may be.  there's a £5
shop in camden...just think how many pairs of 70s flares you can buy from
there for £105....

ian



+----------------------------------------------------------------------+
   +---+  Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list  +---+
  To send to the list mail "sinister at majordomo.net". To unsubscribe
   send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to
  "majordomo at majordomo.net".  WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+
 +-+  "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+
 +-+                     "jelly-filled danishes"                   +-+
+----------------------------------------------------------------------+