Sinister:like velcro on wool

[Helen]

Actually its funny (not ha ha) that this list is talking about death lately, 
because it has been recurring in my life lately , more than on the usual 
scale. The dead cat, for one.

The second instance of death is actually a close family friend 
(pseudo-family) thats dying in hospital and has only a week or so to live. I 
went to see her in hospital today, and (sorry for the morbidity of my recent 
posts) well, it was very sad.
She made someone sit by her for four or so hours the other night because she 
is afraid that when she goes to sleep she'll die. She likes to have a person 
there when she goes to sleep so she feels safe.

She has made friends with an orderly in the hospital and its actually quite 
good because the orderly sits there and talks about death and that with her. 
Which is something that none of her friends and family can do, because we 
all have too much baggage from before and it is upsetting for us, as well as 
her. Whereas, Trish the orderly, only knew her in hospital for the last 
couple of weeks and so she can talk much more lucidly with her, without 
breaking down.

I think the worst part about her death would not be the actual dying bit but 
the loss of all her faculties, for her, as well as us. It clearly upsets her 
that she cannot walk and that she has real trouble remembering. The amount 
of drugs she has is so much that she cannot sustain a conversation for more 
than five minutes before she tunes out and stares into space.
She is not that old, about 40. And one of the nicest people I have ever 
met.....

Thankyou listees for listening, even as/if no one will read it, it is easier 
to write than talk often.

Hey, I must seem like some sort of death-obsessed tragedy magnet.That me and 
bad things stick like velcro on woolen garments.
Ooops. Its a good thing that no one will probably get the chance to meet me 
as I would probably not live up to your usual tragedy magnet expectations. I 
don't hang around cemetaries or even wear copious amounts of black, although 
now, come to think of it, I do like to scream
"we are all going to dieeeeee"
very loudly from my box on the corner every now and then.....

Well, think about it, I listen to B&S, not really morbid stuff, although I 
am waiting to be contradicted by a listee who thinks that TBWTAS is the most 
upsetting/morbid album they've ever listened to and if you "listen to the 
lyrics, man" then you will realise that its pretty remarkable that all of us 
as listees have resisted the temptation to just finish ourselves off once 
and for all.

Anyway, thanks to alisdair for inciting my sick sense of humour and making 
me smile, by making me picture my friends and I, beside the road with a 
stapler and a dead cat saying
"Well, its always worked before....."
and then another mental image of a cat with a note superglued to its hand 
saying "sorry, but actually I'm dead".
Oh but it really was sad too...

Helen.. who is just having a bad week, it'll pass in time.

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