Sinister: i'm all scared...

[Marcus Omond]

bugger me with a broomstick (not really), this uni thang is really quite
spooky.

i start on saturday, and instead of reading all the books i'm supposed to
read before i go up, i've been re-re-re-re-re-rereading the trinity
cambridge students handbook.  and the the cambridge university students
handbook, and all the letters that trinity have sent me.  including the one
from my college 'mum', bronya, which says 'please let me reassure you that
NO mistakes have been made.. you ARE supposed to be here.. really'.  but i'm
thinking, 'bollocks, they're all clever, i'm thick as pigshit - heck, i'm so
fucking stupid i can't even remember to tune into university challenge, let
alone get any of the questions right.  i'm just in because i went to a posh
school and i can bullshit well.'

does everyone go through this when they're preparing for university?
please, supportive words much needed.  i'm starting to suffer from
notsleeping stress even though i haven't actually got there yet... poor (and
yet unbearably lovely and missed) natasha had to put up with me being awful
when she came down to london at the weekend, because a lot of the time when
i should have been thinking about snogging her i was in fact thinking about
that awful day less than a week away... PLUS i'm completely broke having
spent all my money that was saved up for uni on my phone bill to cyprus/
internet, and so i'm going to be starving to death... FUCK EVERYTHING TO DO
WITH HARD WORK AND BAD THINGS LIKE THAT.

oh well, enough of that.  sorry i haven't got another paranoid story about
my life, genevieve - i'm too stressed out to notice the weirdoes next to me
on the bus at the moment.  nick - send me that tape and cd when you're
finished with them, and all that smiths stuff you'd say you'd do me too.
does anyone feel like a farewell to the summer of lurve drink at the
spreadeagle on friday night?  unfortunately i won't be able to make strange
fruit due to starting uni the next day, but a pint or two with all the
people i've come to know and love from the london picnic massive would be
grrrrreat!

right, off to bed and nightmares of my future tutors drinking my boiled
blood for breakfast... oh, and i found out today that my e-mail address at
cambridge will be mjmo2 at cam.ac.uk from saturday, so if anyone wants to
contact me (yeah, right) that'll be where you can find me.  i don't worry
about death - i'm much more scared about the idea of academic work...

love to all,

Marcus XXX

ps.  i too know which is the best smiths album, and i'm not telling either
;)

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