Sinister: You Can't Even Drive!!!

[Sarah Clarke]

Dear you lot, 

Its Starry Sarah, back once again with the renegade master! Ha ha, 
no not really though! I am by myself in a computer lab surrounded 
by foreign exchange stewdents emailing their "pals" back home. And 
I am writing to you lot, with two bottles of wine hidden in a subtle bag 
which screams "FIRKIN OFF LICENSE" at you. I didn't mean to buy 
wine....but I had to look at the sheer horror of a Firkin' Offlicense... 
and it would be rude not to buy anything. Oh aye.

So, the south. One thing I have noticed is a severe lack of decent 
chip shops and pie shops. Apart from the ROCK AND SOLE 
PLAICE (!!!! YES! The perfect name!), there are no good chip 
shops at all. I wanted a nice meat and potato pie today, and could I 
find one in Kingston OR Surbiton? Could I buggery bollocks.

I'm settling in wierdly at university. I wish I had a Smiths record. As 
all I do each night is sit in my room, listen to records, venture out to 
make some tea, say "hello" to any of my "woomies" if they are 
lurking about, and then head off BACK to my room. I know which is 
the best Smiths record too. Its the one which has "This Charming 
Man" on it. I am transferring from doing Spanish to doing History 
though. Sorry Arantxa, Jordi, Millerface, and in fact anyone who 
doesn't live within the UK, but I don't think I want to spend a whole 
year in another scary country. 

But I have paid a few visits to some people from this Parish, round 
Lunding way. I went to this "Track & Field" night, to discover I am 
NOT in the new Trousercuts. Its shit, needless to say. Anything 
without me is shit, as I suppose you all know by now. It was fun at 
Track & Field needless to say. And at the ATP picnic thing. That 
was fun too. I don't remember dancing in a techno style though. I 
was in a chipper mood last night for some reason, and I danced 
round my room to the tunes of Pizzicato 5.

I bought a CD called "This is Easy" too, because it has AGENT 
DOUBLE-O-SOUL on it. What is it you may ask. The best song title 
in the world, ever, I would reply. It tickles my whippet & no mistake. 
Also CD's for 3.99 are always good. I bought "The Worst of Total 
Anarchy!" for 3.99 too. It contains the Banana Splits theme tune in a 
punk rock version. Its ace. 

Steve mentioned the Tijuana series of beat records? I should inform 
you that the scariest one I've got so far is "Tamla goes Tijuana". I've 
not actually listened to it yet. And I'm not sure if its here. But the 
concept is enough, eh? If you do all go dancing to Offbeat, do 
remember to invite me. I'm awfully lonely. But, thats not cos I'm 
boring or anything. Heck no!

And Marcus? You got into fucking Cambridge! Shut the fuck up 
about being thick you arsehole! Some of us got into Kingston to a 
course which is below their alevel grades but didn't achieve the right 
amount of grades to even be able to LOOK at Cambridge so SHUT 
UP!!!! I mean that nicely, of course. The sheer fact you even went 
though all the hassle that Cambridge make you go through in 
applications proves you have a brain! Waaah and because I don't 
I'm in Kingston which Isn't That Bad Actually even though half of its 
a building site & the lecturers don't know what they are doing....

And the amount of cockney accents here is killing me. Yuurrrgh. I 
got stopped seperately twice yesterday by two blokes on the street 
saying "you're from yorkshire aren't you". And I thought "No I am 
from the land of big guns where in fact our speech is made through 
the fire of flurping huge great big uzi machine guns"...and then 
realised "god...i think crap".

Still. I have a book called "concepts & theories of modern 
democracy" to read, a "This is Easy" and NME free cd to listen to, 
wine to drink, and Sainsburys to bimble off and buy food from.

If anyone is near Kingston and wants a pint (of gin & lemanade, 
hopefully) do get in touch.

Byebye
Sarah
xx

PS - Did the Waltons have any pets? I mean being such a 
wholesome family you would expect it. But I don't think they did. Now 
what does that say about family life. Aaaaaaaah...
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