Sinister: Billy was an Inspiration

[Sarah Clarke]

Dear you lot of urban modernists, 

I haven't posted for ages! I'd like to say it was due to business, but more
likely due to bone idle laziness. Right, who on the list has a WAP phone? If
so, go to http://www.wapdrive.net/starry, and look at my WAP enabled page!
However, as I don't have a WAP phone myself, god knows what it looks like. My
most recent hobby has been aquiring acronymns, so if I pepper this post with
them, do excuse me, I'm just being a twat.

Someone once sang, "What is the price of happiness? Question!" - (I think),
which leads me nicely onto, hey, some questions asked by Alex. Always glad to
be of use:

> 1) Is the Sinister list officially full of 'twee fieldmice bastards' as 
> someone described it?

No. Its full of yuman beanz. Field mice can't fucking post to a mailing list,
what the hell? Twee actually is a word with lots of IMPORTANT history to it.
Way back in the mists of time, Isobel Campbell The First of Grimsargh - the at
that time ruler of everything inbred - had a WEE problem. And that was that she
stank of piss. You can understand - she was a little embarassed by this.
Imagine, you're ruler of a small village of inbred drooling spazzers, and you
can't control your bowels. You *are* that old lady on the bus who everyone
tries to avoid sitting next to. Basically, its pants! On toast! 

So anyway, she just happens to be mates with Genghis Khan. So one day Genghis
calls her up, and says, "hey Bellend, you awreet?" And Bellend goes, "No! Some
young upstart run through the village and laughed at me and said "ye smell of
wee, you crap-head", and ran off!! I MAY HAVE TO DESTROY THE WORLD IN
VENGEANCE!" YIKES! Thought Genghis! He had to think quickly! I think you can
see what is coming here. He said, "No NO Bellend! Don't destory the world! She
said you were, um, urr, TWEE! Thats it! It means liking fluffy animals and
lisping a lot!!"... 

"Really?"

"Really. Now don't kill us all, eh?"

"Of course not! I'll have to add it to the dictionary, so no-one makes me
distressed again."

"Um...", thinks Genghis..."ok....what harm could it do?"....

Alas and alack, the word "twee" was here to stay.

Alex then asked:

> What does everyone else think? Should I be listening to Steps?

Yep. You bluddy well should. When I am depressed I don't want to listen to
melancholic music which only encourages THE PAIN - if I am *that* depressed I
don't want to listen to anything. I recommend listening to The Mighty STEPS as
often as possible. And buying me tickets to see them when they play G.A.Y, in
fact, REMINDING me when they play at G.A.Y, so I don't bluddy well MISS THEM
LIKE A TWAT!

Or, listen to the Human League. They piss all OVER everyones greatest hopes of
this year. All over. Up your butts with coconuts.

Oh dear. Best be off, essays to write, things to do you know. You'll understand
when you grow up, don't worry. Then everything will become clear and you'll
have a good job and you won't send me off to a retirement home. Will you?

Love, Starry
xo

=====
"But just remember, when your teacher told you to always find a home for stray animals, she wasn't referring to your rectum." -- DNA Mag-AZINE.

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