Sinister: Rhizomatic? Greased lightning

[P F]

Hey, it's B&S content time. I note that some jester, replying to my last 
Chris Evert, I mean, effort, said that Stuart Murdoch wasn't very good at 
footy. He said it in different terms from those - he used almost industrial 
language, Melvyn - but I'm not a believer in swearing in print. I think his 
whole post was 'ironic', anyway, but I'm not good at detecting that. I do go 
to an evening class on it, though, run by former Osasuna forward Michael 
Robinson. But he only speaks in Spanish nowadays, so progress is slow.

Well, what I want to establish here is that on ATP evidence, Murdoch is a 
*surprisingly good footballer*. There are two categories of people to whom 
SM's skill won't be a surprise:

1) folk who think he's the spuming fountainhead of galactic talent and is 
equally brilliant at *everything*;

2) folk like Ally1996, who've probably been playing with him on 'scratch 
pitches', 'ashpits' and 'tenement cellar floors', with 'wee bairns' for 
opposition, for the last 16 years.

But to the rest of us - well, to me - it really was a surprise how good this 
fellow was on the 'pitch', I mean, pitch. As others have already remarked, 
he doesn't have an ounce of flab on him. Butter, maybe, I didn't check his 
pockets; flab, no. He was surprisingly muscular in places. Still, you can be 
a tough guy and still lack talent. Ask David Ginola. But this lad had pace - 
he covered ground very quickly - stamina - he stayed on, once he'd entered 
the fray, and never looked tired - and sufficient resilience to carry on 
playing once he'd gashed himself. His passing was sound, he was comfortable 
with the ball at his feet, and he packed a real cannonball of a shot, 
although, like real cannonballs, they weren't always accurate. But who is, 
in the pressure of a 5-a-side game? Well, the rest of the Jockey strike 
force, admittedly.

Apologies to those who think this is just football talk for boys. But for 
one thing, you can wheel it out next time anyone says B&S are shrinking 
violets. They're growing chrysanthemums, mate, and not just in their 
window-box. For another, it struck me that SM must be - and I hope to cause 
no offence here - better at footy than, say, 80 per cent of the members of 
this list. That's notwithstanding the fact that there are some great players 
on this list, and that many of the rest couldn't give a Socceroo about the 
game, about which I promise to fall silent after I finish using language.

Add to that the fact that Murdoch is, let's say, and again no offence to any 
pop stars or anyone else out there,

A better guitarist than 90% of sinister
A better singer than 95% of sinister
A better songwriter than 100% of sinister, unless there was anything in that 
rumour about the lad MacManus joining in February

- and these are pretty conservative estimates - and, well, it just needs 
Steady Mike to put them into his master-computer and prove how gifted this 
fellow is. In short, I am just beginning to agree with the folk in category 
1) above. We really do have a bit of a spuming fountainhead on our hands, 
and splashing all over us.

Silence, as promised.


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