Sinister: You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think

[Laura Llew]

Another one bites the dust…

Yes, my youngest brother has now nupped the nuptials. I’m just hoping that 
his wife will start popping out the kiddies like an easy bake oven so that 
my parents will be so neck high in grandchildren that they’ll forget all 
about me being single. Right now, I can’t go anywhere without my mom stating 
her hopes that I’ll meet someone there. It’s highly disconcerting to see her 
grow so enthusiastic when I get sick & have to go to a doctor.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to go to my brother’s wedding or on my planned 
road trip. No, I had to stay here and work. At least I'll be able to attend 
the reception here. I get to be the punch girl. Of course, I was 
disappointed to hear that I would be serving it instead of throwing them 
(punches that is). Oh well. I just can't wait till May when all the wedding 
silliness is over. You just don't know how disturbing it is to have random 
people say to you "Your brother must be the one I saw in the newspaper who 
just got married. You look just like him."  And I have no clue who these 
people are. Aren't they suppose to be concentrated on the couple so I can 
slip into the background?

I had hoped that since I was here I would at least get to go to some of the 
shows here but Noooo. I had to work during those too.  Don’t worry, I’m not 
going to whine. No sir, I’m going to take it like a real girl ... and pout.  
I hope my face doesn’t freeze this way though because the tinsel might make 
my tongue tingle when the school children decide to decorate my bottom lip 
for Christmas.

I want to thank everyone who gave their summations of the ATP events.  Now, 
I realize it is OK if I miss out on all of these shows and picnics because I 
can gleam all of the good parts from
other people’s posts (OPP. Yeah you know me).  Oh, I noticed how y’all were 
trying to tantalize us all with de-tales of Stuart’s brawny bruteness as he 
strutted around shirtless. But really I can’t be shocked anymore. Well, 
unless an electrical outlet and paperclips are involved. Anyway, the Cliff 
Notes of the ATP read very nicely and included all of the important 
aspects... We had the

1. Setting: Someplace where I was not.

2. Plot:  From what I could tell there did not seem to be one. MMM, sounds 
like the makings of a movie blockbuster to me.

3. The Main Characters:
The Protagonist: Stu M who was the tall, dark, and handsome football hero. 
(Well, relatively - he’s taller than a pygamy but not as dark as one. I 
don’t think he was so much a hero as he was just
shirtless.)

Then there was Trousers who doesn’t really remember the weekend except for 
harassing members of numerous bands to pose in llewd ways with the most 
recent edition of Papercuts.  Evidently, you can get on the cover for 
certain sexual favors.. hehe.
Stevie prefers Anita Loos.
Gentleman prefer blondes.
And I prefer Trompe Le Monde.
What that means - I do not know.

Miss Scarlett who sat with her sunglasses on her head critiquing members’ of 
various bands fashion sense. With a recent investment of a cattle prod, she 
was able to escape the whole weekend without being mobbed by her groupees.

Of course, David Moore was clad in fatigues and spent most of the time 
feeling empathy toward Stuart David by being Up A Tree yelling “Swarm! 
Swarm!” whenever he spotted Stu M selling
merchandise.

There were Mike, Stuart Shennanigan, Allastares, PF, and other shady 
characters who were milling about. They just seemed like the mindless happy 
masses. However, they were mentally taking notes on everything so they could 
warp into some witty antidote to use in their posts to Sinister.

And then there was Lucy Alder. Ok she wasn’t actually there but winning 
prizes for erotic dancing on a train. She will lead you
to believe that she decided to go to Italy on vacation. However, I can 
safely say without any hints of libel, exaggeration, or jest that she was 
turned away for being neck up to her bliss to the "How
the Grinch Stole Christmas." Ignorance of Dr. Seuss will get you no where.. 
except for Italy. What did Italy ever produce...besides Michelangelo, 
Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance?

D. We also had Villains: NME, Sonic Youth (whose sound apparently didn’t 
have the refined quality of that of a Sonic Boom), and some other bands of 
questionable quality.

5. Ironic Situations: Well, this depends on whether you’re using Webster’s 
or Atlantis Morrisette’s definition. How anyone could classify any of those 
situations as anything but just plain bad luck
is beyond me. Of course, you never can tell what kids will buy these days, 
especially with that one hand in their pocket doing who knows what.

6. And an Important question: Doth Stu M bleed when he ith pricked?
   Was Answered: Yeth

And on twat note I wilt leave.

love & bruised elbows,

Laura
'meeting all your Laura Llew needs since 1977'

PS-- By the way, I just wanted to say that it is a picture of Dorothy Parker 
under my name on the picture page. I wanted it to be nice and subtle with 
just the Parker quote as a hint. Of course, I wouldn’t know subtlety if it 
did a strip tease, rolled around in red paint, and then kicked in a chorus 
line fashion while singing “Subtlety is here again” in a Tiny Tim falsetto. 
If you want a picture of me you'll have to ask Eran. Not that he is privy to 
any of me but I have a feeling that if anyone could make it sound as if 
there were Laura Llew fantasy pinups floating around that Eran is the one 
who could make a signed "Love LL" glossy all the rage.
PPS- Thanks out to Richard Pushong who made me believe that there *is* a 
Santa Claus. (And he likes the pixies!!! & chocolate)

*****Laura Llew’s List Member of The Week*****
This is for the clever listerine who sports my favorite web page. I 
especially like their on-line diary which is definitely the most interesting 
one that I’ve ever read. The entries are short, funny, and quite poetic. 
This person is & their website is none other than  Ted Whalen at 
http://introvert.net/tew/

(March 13 & 14th are 2 of my favorite entries)

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