Sinister: The dream of all the post-rock beardy kids that hung around here

[Nick.Dastoor at xxx.uk]

Hallo.

I've been in email incommunicado for a week.  In my absence I see that Jesus has
been born and the Guardian have installed some odd new antiseptic wipes in the
loos.  On the dispenser it says something like 'Better to be safe than sorry!
Step one: Take a wipe. Step Two: Wipe the seat with it. Step Three: Throw wipe
into toilet'.  Are loo seats really that dangerous?  Perhaps there have been
complaints.  Lots of girls 'hover' - did you know that?  Also, quite a few
people stand up to wipe.  Who knows what other things people get up to.  I
suppose that after reaching a certain age, the finer points of lavatorial
etiquette are no longer subject to peer appraisal.

RECOMMENDATION SPOT:

There's a great little magazine called 'The Chap'.  Buy a copy if you can but in
the meantime have a look at their website. (
http://www.artfink.demon.co.uk/chap/)  The interactive 'Semiotics of Hair' is a
particular treat.  See if you can find 'The Outlandish' - my favourite.  The
writers are probably sniggering twits you'd avoid in social situations, but then
aren't we all?  I'm looking forward to meeting Peter Miller.

SKIP THE NEXT FOUR PARAGRAPHS IF YOU'RE BORED OF ALL THIS CAMBER TALK SPOT:

I went on the ATP tour too, you know.  I don't think I made a big splash.  As
Mike has said, perhaps my finest hour was jumping up and down singing 'Jet', and
I nicked that idea from Alan Partridge.  Also, I missed most of the star-studded
party in Hewitt et al's chalet, having tired of avoiding men with beards.  Not
Instead I went back to our chalet with Trousers and Baxendale boy and tried to
remember the name of 'The Big Chill' ('The Big Sleep'? NO! 'The Big Blue' NO!
'The Big Bus! ALMOST CERTAINLY NOT!).  Also we discussed Momus and the
preponderance of bands playing on Sunday with one-syllable names starting with
P.  We had to beat the gatecrashers from our door.

I kind of missed out on the five-a-side too.  Alasdair didn't believe me when I
said I had been training hard since the last time he saw me fall over a
football, so I could only bask in their reflected glory.  It really was very
exciting, and I'm cross that I missed the first half of the final because of a
kitchen mix up and then spent the rest of it choking on chips and avoiding
getting ketchup on my fluffy creamy coat.  It was nice to see Stuart play but
I'm ashamed to have been a part of the post-match hijack of the team's success.
If the 'team photo' is ever posted up then you could be forgiven for thinking
that Slut Jockey's victory was largely attributable to the ref not spotting that
they had fielded two dozen players instead of five.

Stuart had some business cards printed up billing himself as 'Camp
Psychiatrist'.  His plan was to set up a booth next to the merchandise stall,
where people could come and gain expert advice on whatever subject was troubling
them.  Like Lucy in Peanuts but for free.  I believe he was talked out of it.

I'm not sure if it was 'Legal Man' that I heard in the pub.  People said it was,
but I think Beanz Meanz Geddes might actually have been playing Brigitte
Bardot's 'St Tropez' (aka Eurotrash theme) for a laugh.  I mean it was
*identical*.


RESPONSES TO PEOPLE WHOSE NAMES HAVE FOUR LETTERS AND BEGIN WITH 'Y' SPOT:

Youn said lixi's posts remind her of 'Morvern Callar' and lixi wondered what
this meant.  I read this book and didn't like it much.  If Youn means you
resemble Morvern then I think she's calling you a weird rave-chick who hides
your boyfriend's corpse in an attic and passes his unpublished novel off as your
own in order to fund a trip to the Ibiza.  Or for some existentialist laugh, I'm
not sure. Also, you sleep around a lot.  Is this sounding familiar?

Yuka pondered:

> Why is Scotland called "the land of cakes?"

The proper answer (I think) is that it's from a Robbie Burns line probably
alluding to oatcakes.  I haven't thought up the funny answer yet.  Incidentally,
no one really calls it the land of cakes, as far as I'm aware.


      Nick xx


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