Sinister: Never ending or beginning in and ever-spinning reel

[Alder, Lucy]

Ow, my neck hurts.  Why?  It's the waltzers.  They're the most evilist of
things ever invented.  You see them whizzing and spinning and they look such
fun, so you climb aboard but they're too low and your head gets fair ripped
off your shoulders by the gyroscopic  business of it all (or something).
You scream "NO! DON'T SPIN ME ANY MORE PLEEEEEEEEEEASE!" but the
dirty-nailed waltzer boy thinks you're playing the helpless maiden and
having a bit of a flirt, so he gives you a cheeky grin and spins you faster
to, like, flirt back a bit and the next day you feel like you should be
mooching around the bell tower of Notre Dame.  I'm thinking of writing to
Watchdog to complain.  Give Alice Beer something to get her teeth into.

Beer's not a very classy surname is it?  If I was her, I'd change it to
something better like Black Wych Stout.  Alice Black Wych.  That's got a
nice ring to it.  My friend knows a Cockburn, as in the port, not the
painful sensation.

Talking of ridiculous names, right out of the blue, up pops Mr Spanners from
the land of lurkerdom:

>>HELLO LUCY ALDER - MY BUNS ARE CLENCHED FOR YOU...

Ooh, luvverly - I've only sampled the hot cross variety of late.

Pete Waterman is obviously after any publicity he can get for Steps, even
though the Brits story is Last Year's News.  Before this long, drawn out
saga goes any further, perhaps the best way to settle the matter would be to
have an afternoon of Steps/B&S TAG TEAM WRESTLING.  Steps enter the ring
first, in matching blue PVC capes.  H looks particularly fetching in his
tight little shorts and war paint.  Now, into the ring come our heroes, in
towelling dressing gowns, bunny slippers and Stu is even carrying his
blankie.

Round one, ding ding!  What's this?  Isobel leaps over the ropes, takes out
the cello she's been hiding under the voluminous folds of her dressing gown,
swings it round her head a couple of times, then hurls it across the ring
towards the opposition, knocking out each and every one of them out and
leaving Lisa with severe brain damage.  No, my mistake, she was brain dead
already.

So, that puts a lid on the matter and Pete Waterman can SHUT UP, RIGHT?
Right.

Juicy Lucy


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