Sinister: Bleating about Keating

[Mark Hester]

Hello,
I had a strange dream last night.  How many posts have started like that?  
It didn't start off strange at all, quite mundane really, with me sitting 
watching the news on TV and wondering "why do we hear nothing about the 
Irish army?"  Then the next programme came on and it was something like 
Equinox or Horizon, except that it was called Euroscience or some such.  Cue 
pictures of a research station just outside Dublin and a white coated 
balding individual is interviewed.  He tells us about a new program to 
*gasp* .....clone soldiers.  He then shows us numerous identical troopers in 
khaki, all encased in Bubble Wrap and ready to be despatched to their bases 
and outposts.  The camera pans round and we see that every one has the face 
of....Ronan Keating!  The techy guy then takes us down the corridor, turning 
round and addressing the camera as he walks, explaining how the early 
experiments went wrong.  He opens the door to a smallish room, more of a 
broom cupboard really, in which are stored some of the early cloning 
attempts.  All are hideous, all look like the other members of Boyzone.

Then I woke up, trembling.

The meaning of this dream is not difficult to discern.  No butlers, bakers 
or fat & skinny cows here I feel.  The answer can be found in my current 
workplace, where I have to pack literally HUNDREDS of Ronan CDs.  I look at 
the box.  Ronan is frowning.  I flip the box over, ready to pack it.  Ronan 
grins at me.  Ugh.  Maybe there's a fold-out inside the box with a plethora 
of facial expressions.  Ronan grimaces as if having a tooth pulled.  Ronan 
raises one eyebrow quizzically.  Ronan gawks at us, cross-eyed, thumbing his 
nose in a puerile manner.

There are some FYHCYWLAP CDs on the shelf, but no-one's ordered any yet.  
Boo hoo!  Maybe I should try to influence people's musical taste and do the 
odd substitution or two.  The can't sack me- ha!  I'm a temp.

Consolation is at hand in the form of my Silly Customer Name List, growing 
day by day.  I had a Peter Guess today.  Life must be hell for him.  Imagine 
the scene: the said Pete is at school and is caught running down the 
corridor.  "What's your name boy?" asks a master sternly.  "Guess, sir."

"Boy I am in no mood to play silly games!'

Calling Mrs Startup of Hounslow....why do you require *two* Ronan CDs?  
That's just plain greedy.

I'd like to start a Terrible Assonances in Songs thread.  Radio 1 gave us an 
example this morning.... "Remember the old days, remember the O'Jays'" 
warbled Kylie in 'Step Back in Time'.  Groan.
Possibly the worst ever is "pneumonia" and "phone yer" in 'I'll Never fall 
in love Again".  Double groan.

Maybe someone will order FYHCYWLAP this afternoon.  Watch me kiss the 
invoice.  We can but hope....

Mark.
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