Sinister: Ifwhiteamericatoldthetruthforonedayit'sworldwouldfallapart

[Iain Radcliffe]

Hello peepz,
I'm, like, gonnae be totalement incoherent today (Saturday) B cos I'm 
feeling all those lost hours seeping through my pores...

I was struck by a notion this morning as I returned to my "gaff", (actually 
a country manor don't you know*)that I should give ole FISHYCLAP a try 
again.
So I pressed the spine of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe in the 
Children's Classic Fiction section of my private library, and lo, I wiz 
transported back to the 1940s, replete with grey short trousers and my mate 
William (or Just William as he insists on being called, the bounder) holding 
my hand in a gay manner (before the invention of homosexuality you 
understand).
So we gaily made our gay way through the cheerful secret cloisters of the 
hidden music library, stopping at the Particularly Eccentric Kate Bush 
section to mosh along to Violin, Violiiin, Violiieeen, Violeeeeeeen!
>From here on, the gaps between the shelves grew narrower and dark shadows 
and whispering tomes gave the broken-mirrored alternative spider's web 
scenario shifted through several degrees, an eerie, if huron or perchance 
superior clammy sense of foreboding and (yes, you guessed it) DOOM.

It was at the Long Anticipated but Disappointing Albums section that I 
alighted to tease FISHYCLAP from it's hedgehog-skinned sheath.
I slipped the fucker into one of the 20 CD players we have scattered 
willy-nilly aroond the secret library and then proceeded to roger William to 
the musical strains. (This was, of course pre-buggery/post sodomy, when many 
people were confused about their sexual orientation following rationing, and 
often had to made do with a sly whiff of Amyl Nitrate in the outside toilet 
before singing Clash songs loudly or indeed softly).
Roger and William concurred: It's definitely the worst album by The Best 
Band Since The Smiths, mais le singe es dans l'arbre et il mange une banane.
I had to disagree. After initially slating the bastard, I hummed along to 
IFIAW and TM, which were v.good, and could easily have made filler tracks on 
TWATTYBUS. The rest wiz pish man! Some ok, but just sooooooo not Stu M. He 
never wrote a teeth clenching lyric before this outing, and Family Tree and 
even Woman's Realm and That Dull One About A Frank Excess of Love, are a 
bloody disgrace to the B&S canon.

Ha!

Well, enough ranting. It's back to the ole classics for me - T and IYFS, 
along with a sprinkling of Elastica and JJ72 this avo.

I hope you're all well, and keeping l'esprit de le passion musicale alive 
and well.

"We live in a land of rains, where Royalty comes in gangs; shat on by 
Tories, shovelled up by Labour."

"Come chaps. The sky is beginning to bruise, night will fall, and we shall 
be forced to camp!"

Jarvis
xxx

*Hey, av ne'r done ane o' these footnot' things b'for, and it's acshully 
quite a thrill. What the footnote oracle says is: "To be stated in a posh 
Edinburgh lawyer's accent, ken - Crawwwford, Sinnclair, Niallll, Dahhling)"

P.S. Blood on the Tracks is AMAZING kaytee!
P.P.S. A tribute to Ken and his hot wok: Vodkas and Red Bulls!
P.P.P.S. I'm soo sorry for this bullshit, but I've had an "Allnighter", as 
Justine Freshman would say, if she had the chance...
P.P.P.P.S. Oooh that's a lot of "P"s! (Quoth Matthew Kelly). "You don't see 
Gielgud down the labour exchange. Why doesn't he retire, the bastard?
P.P.P.P.P.S. As you may have gathered, Withnail and I is my fave film, and 
contains the most eloquent, sad and bitterly funny dialogue of any film 
ever. You think?
ends
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