Sinister: I've Got The World On A String

[Pauline L. Shivers]

Hello again,
yes 'tis me... aah... life's been really cruel to
me...
At our last episode.. erm, sorry, post, I told you
about the macaroni dandy my aunt wants to marry me off
to, Giovanni Gregorio d'Arnuzzio and about my cousin
Theodor who I thought was a gay in the closet...
Well, you won't believe what else happened that
dreadful weekend in the country!
One thing I have to say though: big Aunt Myrtles found
out about everything so you can imagine.
So where have we stopped? oh yes, dinner. Auntie has
this obsession with dinner; it has to be served quite
early, like 6pm. So after we finished dinner and after
this episode with the good looking waiter, we thought
with Theodor that we should go for a walk; we watned
to walk over the hill to my friend Althea's cottage
and hear all the other spicy stories about my wanabee
fiancé! In his dreams!!! And of course Giovanni
grabbed the chance to come with us after aunt Myrtles
suggested it!
The bluddy turtle!! Why wouldn't she leave us alone?
So, we all set off to Althea's house to have some
coffee; and of course there was no way we would hear
any spicy gossip for Giovanni since he'd be there as
well... thing is, Althea seemed to be quite fascinated
by Giovanni's looks and she said that if I didn't want
him she would have him! I said "well, he's all yours
then; but how can you stand him? he's so sleezy! look
at these eyes swimming in olive oil! And after all,
you told me he wasn't that *gifted*"... but Althea
said she'd check about that herself! To be honest, I
was really happy with this development...
So, I was quite cheerful as we took the way back to
the cottage... Aunt asked me to play some piano whilst
she was reading and my dad sank in great grand
father's old regency style armchair with the worn out
peach velvet tapestry, smoking his pipe and drinking
some napoleon.. Theodor was there with us but when I
finished playing that Chopin piece that auntie loves
so much, I noticed that he wasn't there anymore...
I asked to be excused and dashed out... I heard some
noises coming from the stables! I tried to be really
quiet as I saw Theodor peeping from the window into
the stables... I went there walking on my toes and
looked over his shoulder; he saw me so I had to make
"shhh" with my finger on my mouth. I looked inside and
there was of course, Arthur! You remember the
gardener! he was standing there in the candle light,
wearing almost nothing, well some pants only, and
having let's say a shower! but he was just taking
water from a bucket and throwing it over on his body!
And what a body! I think Arthur is a fine specimen of
man, or of how men should be... Theodor was watching
breathless.. I could hear him holding his breath as
Arthur was sliding his hand over his shoulders using a
wet towel and a bar of soap... I think that Arthur
knew Theodor was there watching him all along...
suddenly we heard a noise behind us; we turned and saw
aunt Myrtles standing there holding her riding whip on
her hand; she pushed us away and looked through the
window! she wasn't very pleased with the sight, nor
with Theodor's excitement which was almost visible!
She just dashed in the stables and told Arthur that he
shouldn't consider himself as a member of her staff
from that moment and then she came back and told us
that it was time for bed... Did she stretch her neck?
Did her eyes popped out? Oh God!! Yes! Both Theodor
and me felt the colour strained from our faces and
then coming back ferociously... Aunt Myrtles kissed us
on our cheek and wished goodnight and then left. I saw
Theodor dashing in the stables and putting a little
piece of paper in Arthur's hand, then stroke his hair
and then coming back to me... we didn't say a word! we
just went to our bedrooms.
I fell asleep thinking that I should talk with Theodor
once and for all first thing next morning, and try to
find a way to solve our problems and deal with
auntie's authoritative manners... I don't know for how
long I was sleeping when I heard a strange sound in
the room! I woke up, turn on the lamb on my bedtable
to come face to face with Giovanni!! Yes that sorry
excuse of a man, had the nerve to sneake in my bedroom
while I was asleep! He removed my covers and looked at
me in an ecstatic way. I won't tell you what I was
wearing, let's just say it wasn't much! I asked him
what he thought he was doing? To that he giggled and
said "cara, we'll be married soon; so don't be like
that to your future husband".. to that I shouted "in
your dreams, you italiano cornuto, bastardo!!" and to
that he replied by trying to kiss me pushing me back
to the pillows! He whispered in my ear "I like you
this way; my little wildcat!". That was it! I thought
I could get rid of him and be quiet about the whole
incident, but that was more than I could put up with!
I kicked him with my knee, on his you know where...
and start screaming for help as he fell over the bed
groaning!
Theodor was the first to dash in my room; his
bedroom's next to mine, then my dad in his robe and
last aunt Myrtles! The maid came there too, but auntie
dismissed her... everyone was looking at the scene
frozen...
me trying pulling my covers to my chin with tears in
my eyes (what did you think?) and the wannabie lover
(hah!) lying down on the floor holding his... yes...
still groaning! She came there over my bed and said
"shhh child! I'll tell Maria to make some warm milk
for you; everything will be fine!" And me as I saw
this as the only way out from my engangement to
Giovanni, I grabbed the chance and started weeping
holding auntie's hand and saying "Oh auntie, I was so
scared! I never ever wanted to cause a disgrace to our
family!" and burst into more tears! Aunt Myrtles
stroked my hair and left the room saying that she
would see to this matter first thing in the morning!
Next morning at breakfast we noticed that Giovanni was
nowhere in the house! Aunt Myrtles kicked him out...
Maria, my maid, told me that aunt said to him that
that marriage would never take place and she'd rather
die than see her niece married to a pervert like him!
Good Riddens Giovanni dearest!
Arthur was sacked as I told you as she could never
accept Theodor was to blame, and she certainly 
will never as long as she lives accept his
homosexuality. I still feel very bad for Arthur... But
I think that Theodor have already met him in Prague!
Now he's trying to find a job for him at one of those
gentlemen's clubs, preferable in Theodor's club!
That's all for now. I hope I didn't bore you; my post
seems to be so long this time; but I had to tell you
all these, right? Right! Ok, I'm off now; I have a
tennis appointment with Althea!
take care all of you 
           
            Pauline L. Shivers

that makes sinister all quivers
she's that aristocratic slag
who lives and reigns in Prague


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