Sinister: erm ... bathmat set ... swingball ...toaster ... goblin teasmaid ... a cuddly toy ... erm ...

[Alan Singfield]

> In my experience there is always one flatmate who doesn't fit in with the
> others.  They become a the whipping boy/girl.  It's healthy, except when
you're
> the outcast, which happened to me once.  This rule applies no matter how
small
> the household is.  If you live on your own, you will end up blaming
yourself for
> things you didn't do.  You will also talk about yourself behind your back
and
> develop a crick in your neck.

My (ex)flatmates were complete stoners, and they'd get the munchies and
devour *everything* that I bought. B*stards. If only I'd thought to slip a
bar of laxative chocolate in there.

> I do have cuddly toys in my bed, but only so that I can make girls can go
'aah!'
> but not want to sleep with me, and get lectures from exasperated friends
(mainly
> female) about how I am ruining my scoring potential.  Tweeness as a
> bloody-minded expression of a self-destructive urge.

Nick, perhaps you just need to get more macho soft toys. Instead of pooh
bear and piglet, what about a cuddly Vinny Jones and matching "tiny tears"
Mike Tyson? What girls want never fails to confuse me.

<get bored of being cool and enigmatic and insert some toilet humour, 
invariabley mentioning human excrement, or spiked enemas>

Jenowl, I'm *so* glad to hear that someone else likes spiked enemas. They're
just like an ordinary enema, except with an extra dash of sloe gin and
crystal sugar around the edge of the glass. I would not be seen at any
sophisticated cocktail party without one.

< B&S content >

The very patiently awaited new album: I think we'll have to take matters
into our own hands. There is a computer program I found, that you feed in
poetry by a particular author, then it writes new poems in the style of said
scribe. Well, it says it also works with song lyrics. Unfortunately, I
couldn't get it to work. Bums. Perhaps thats whats taking the band so long.

< Poop >

I've just looked over this message and I've mentioned "number two" functions
far too many times. Oh well. Perhaps next post I'll make every paragraph be
to do with the province of kwa-zulu natal.

But I can't spell it.

And I don't know anything about it.


Tune in at the same time next week to miss the programme entirely ...
Spanners
	xx


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