Sinister: must. think. of. a. subject. ...okay, give up

[rachel tucker]

jen's firestarting experience got me reliving my unbelievable bad luck with
anything flammable. i mean, to set fire to everything once is tragic, but
unlucky. twice, you're getting careless, but THREE times!! well, it gets you
an unshakable reputation as a pyromaniac, and people *ironically* running
for cover whenever you light a fag.

the first time genuinely wasn't my fault...well not really. i'd had this
bitchy slapping fight with this girl, which obviously i won, sort of. i then
made the mistake of gloating (well she's a mingin' cow, what can you do?)
and, umm, she retaliated by setting fire to my hair! we put it out fairly
rapidly, in fact she helped, i don't *think* she meant the curls to actually
light, but it was shit scary. it was so unreal, seeing out of the corner of
your eye this flame working it's way up....

<shudder>

the second time was a couple of months after i first quit smoking, and in a
desperate bid to avoid thinking about nicotine, i was clearing out my room.
we're talking piles of magazines, old coursework, lots of paper
basically...and paper burns. fast. i found an old lighter, and me being me,
starts setting fire to stuff. not big fires mind, i just like watching
scraps of maths coursework burn. and then i couldn't put it out.

i freaked like fuck, i was holding an exploration into pythagorean triples
in
a hand that was being scorched. i panicked completely and dropped it, into a
bin liner full of...paper. the whole thing was going up, smoke everywhere,
toxic fumes from the melting bin liner, and i couldn't get to the door. i
was the only person in the house, otherwise i'd have probably just carried
on screaming till someone got me out. as it was, i can honestly say that in
times of utter desperation, you are a lot braver than you think. i put it
out with a pair of jeans and my dm's. by the time it was out i was exhausted
and in such a state, it was awful. i got into such shit and all, the house
stank like a bonfire for a good few days afterwards.

third time wasn't too long ago, one of my many culinary disasters not merely
being inedible, but in fact burning half the kitchen...who'd have thought
tea cosies hanging over hobs could be that dangerous?? luckily, i managed to
dump all burning items into the sink this time. caused a lot of smoke, but
not too much scorching.

so, who's coming out for a fag with me then....?!

the lovely honey, while slagging the new primals album (don't listen to him,
it's fantastic!) said this:
>Someone mentioned people whose favourite
>childrens' television programme was only on in their region, to  which
>I can only say "Gus Honeybun". And "Adrian Evans". And "Tim Hopkins".

ahh, gus honeybun. he must vomit with envy everytime fern britten's on the
telly. which is so often, he can't have time to eat. she just managed that
step up to national tv so much better than dear old gus.

i've almost converted someone to b&s!! mind you, this someone has just paid
real money (as opposed to monopoly money) to see slipknot, so i'm not sure
if her comments of 'they're not as bad as i thought...ooh that's quite cute
actually' about 'the state i am in' should be taken as a compliment or
not...and this coming from someone who's fave band is take that...pot.
kettle. black? never!

<oops, supposed to have left for work by now>

lovin' and leavin' you all

rachel xxx



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