Sinister: The Talented Mr. Wakeman

[Sarah Clarke]

Good day friends, 

Fiona mentioned a song called "Ooh! Stick You", by Daphne and Celeste! How
happy am I? That song is the best Pop Song of this millenium I'm telling youse
guys. Its perfectly obnoxious, insulting and parfait - I bet Johnny Rotten The
Punkster likes it, and gobs along in tune. Wahoo! When I was drunk and sitting
in the middle of Trafalgar Sq fountain, my friend and I shouted "OOH STICK
YOU", at anyone who looked vaguely twattish, and then fell about in giggles. We
of course looked PERFECTLY sensible and dignified. 

So, that is the best Pop of THIS millenium. So what about the Pop of last
millenium? There's only one contender. I'm handing in the speed spiked soul
bowling shoes, returning the scratched CD of futurepop, cashing in a refund on
the Vengabus - the best pop of last millenium defintely belonged to YES. 
*wibble into a rose tinted past where everyone wore capes*.....

The Story of Yes.

Once upon a time, there was a guy called Rick Wakeman. He was a FUCKING COOL
BASTARD, and everyone knew it. He had a big bushy beard and a wizards hat, and
shitloads of keyboards and organs. He pronounced the word "Moog" as "Moag" (as
it should be said), and was a GRATE laff. Everyone thought he was brill and
invited him down the pub loads. But Rick was sad. He didn't know what direction
of Rock to follow. After his Rapping in German Phase, epitomised in the album
"Rumble in Der Old Skool Disko"*, Rick just didn't know what to do.

Then he made an album called CLOSE TO THE EDGE with John Martyn and all the
other people in YES whoever they are, and its TOP BANANA. I bet ALL the cool
people like CLOSE TO THE EDGE, by YES. I do, for one, and so does Lixi who
taped it for me, and I bet like, even TONY BLAIR the Best Prime Minister Ever
of the New Labour Party of Fun and Frolics likes it too, and has a
public/private ownership sharehold of it, in 11 Downing Street. 

Mad Dog Murdoch likes it too. He's cool, isn't he! You know what? I don't own
any AC/DC albums. I wonder if I should rectify this. I bought an Orange Juice
album and its got a remastered rejigged version of "Felicity" on it, which
isn't as good as the version TimTeeTum taped me.

Anyway.

I will maintain the greatness of this album until Popular Beat Music of Y2K
produces me something better than the SHIT BUNGED UP PUBLIC SCHOOLBOY TOSS of
The Clientele. I mean...come ON guys, do I have to do it myself? You don't want
me to do it myself, I can't sing and I tend to play guitars with plastic
fishes. Although, if anyone has a second hand Casio they want to give to me,
I'm sure I could do a good Stephin Merrit. Ha. Probably more John Shuttleworth.
Now THERE would be a duet.

Joe - I know of "Avril en Mai", but I can't think of any Februarys. And theres
a March Records...and I'm currently humming a song about January but I'm
buggered if I know what it is.

Lucy - please talk more about bread knives.

GEORGE HENRY DUCKIE - I noticed you saying you wanted blood. Well isn't that
what runs in your veins? Just get in a punch up with a BRUISER about Morrisey
or something, and then you'll be fine. I'm going to go to Cinerama too, you
know. 

Enough!
Sarah
xo

* Which actually DOES exist on a compilation I have called 'Plattenmeister',
tapes on request...
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