Sinister: in the shadowplay acting out your own death knowing no more

[Owen Lowery]

yippie ki-aye you mother fuckers

somebody complained about there not being enough life on this list
anymore, well let the narrow wizard use his magic staff (fnar fnar) to
add a bit of spunk to the list.

what follows is an account of my last two days, it should contain enough
sex, drunkenness, stupidity and B&S references to keep you happy for a
while.

I guess it all started in the William Wallace on wednesday, I was with
sexy ex pro tennis player Kathryn and gay boy Gregor and we were
drinking pints of lager at a whole 1 pound a pint. As happens in these
situations we started talking about sex, Gregor scared us with tales of
4 guys in a wood on the uni campus (he's a randy devil), Kathryn scared
us with the amount of positions she's managed in one night (the
demonstrations nearly got us thrown out of the pub), and I don't think
those two are gonna let me live down the story of carpet burns, horse
whips and egg whisks (just don't ask). We carried on drinking back at
Kathryn's place and soon were so drunk that I had an argument with her
and went home to bed. I was woken up half an hour later by Kathryn
knocking on my window and so I let her in and popped to the toilet 'cos
if we were gonna argue again the last thing I'd need would be asking for
a time out to go to the bog. Once I'd visited the oval office though I
found that she'd climbed into my bed so I stuck tigermilk on the sound
system and got on with enjoying myself (and enjoying her of course).

next day I was tired due to only getting 2 hours sleep and had a
stinking headache so I went to my friend Hannah's place for some
sympathy, her new flat mate was leaving just as I got there and she
decided to feel my cock and tell me that she'd see me round sometime as
she was going. So anyway I sat and talked to Hannah for a bit before she
decided to cook for me, I was rather surprised to get rainbow trout with
stuffed peppers and so after the meal I stuck around to (how can I put
this) thank Hannah properly.

Somewhat bewildered and tired I was in no state to refuse the offer of a
night out with a couple of my mates that night (this was yesterday if
you're not keeping up) and so we went to our favourite local club, we
got there just before 11 'cos the drinks are cheaper then and ordered 6
drinks each. The girls at the next table had a similar cheap drink plan
and this seemed as good a reason as any to start talking to them. Things
are a bit hazy in my memory after this point but apparently I was seen
snogging 3 different girls though I can only remember 2 and think that
the third sighting was mistaken. Next we gatecrashed a party on campus
which was being thrown for people on some silly management course, all
the drink was free so we got even more drunk before the lads I was with
stole a bottle of whisky and 2 bottles of wine and went home. I vaguely
remember talking to one of my exes at the party and think I might have
went with her for a bit but I'm not sure and I think I may have danced
to get me away from here I'm dying but again I'm not sure.

anyway I got up this morning and read a mail claiming that this stuff
doesn't go on enough in the sinister realm so I thought I would prove
otherwise.

Oh and I just remembered some girl telling me that I looked like Hugh
Grant at the party. This is starting to worry me 'cos she's not the
first to say this and it's just not true. I wouldn't mind if I did look
like him but I don't and the bastard is taking over my life.

I think my stomach has now settled enough to actually keep food down now
so I'm gonna go now. I'm worried about tonight though, the wine and
whisky will be made to disappear by a certain wizard.

bye for now
    owen

With that the narrow wizard waggled his bushy eyebrows and disappeared
in a flash of blue flame leaving behind only a strong smell of alcohol.

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