Sinister: The Penguin Book of Massive Knockers

[Peter Miller]

I think some of you need to have your flies lowered and your tongue
bitten to calm you down a bit. Form an ordererly queue. Speaking of
which, I have trouble wearing my bus t-shirt since that Dirk Diggler
shot appeared on the body fascism page. Speaking of which, ha ha, Paul
got the blame for slagging off Primal Scream! It wasn't Paul, it was
me. Of course their new album is fantastic, it's just that slagging it
off was the nearest I could get to civil disobedience. It's a great
shag album, especially track number two, "Accelerator". Go-Kart Mozart
is a great shag album too. And "Drinkin' Um Bongo" is more subversive
than "Swastika Eyes". Paul, not only did you get the blame for
slagging off Primal Scream, your archive now has the word "swastika"
in it. That should clear the glue out of your head. I told you not to
use that Pritt Stick as a Vick's Inhaler. Think yourself lucky, Reid
Dossinger says his hair's just a load of shit sticking out of his
head. Reid, you should change shampoos, mate. No wonder Isobel was
frightened that time you tired to lure her into your car with no door
handles on the inside. My computer has more viruses than sub-Saharan
Africa. I blame you lot for pumping raw sewage into my hard disk. As a
result I have over-reacted and got rid of loads of e-mail addresses.
So some of you are finally shut of me. Until I look them up again. If
my calculations are correct, at this very moment, Oon will be at Hong
Kong racetrack, putting her life savings on Duchamp's Fountain in the
4.30. Happy Chinese New Year to those of you of an Far Eastern
disposition. Do you know how close I got to the kingfisher the other
day? Very close indeed. The fish-obsessed arsehole didn't even
realise. Good job I was brought up by Apaches. Good news for 70s WHO
fans - the obligatory BBC sessions album is coming out, appropriately
enough, on Valentine's Day. Oh shit, what if no one sends me a
card....who will I be able to turn to?

Peter

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