Sinister: nobody knows i'm a lesbian

[ian]

hello my dark-yet-shiny-stars,

as dear, dear erica was kind enough to notice, i have been absent from the
shores of that virtual island we castaways like to call sinister for some
time.  i'm afraid i went paddling in the waters of real life and got bitten
by a crisis-shark that was crusing in the shallow waters.  it pulled me far,
far out to sea and it was only with the help of a gaggle of passing
vodka-fuelled dolphins that i was able to make it back to the beach...

and the beach is so beautiful, i will stay and bask for a while.  just one
question..
where the FUCK IS LEONARDO DI CAPRIO?

yeah, a mile of sand is all very bloody well and a few friggin trees
oh-so-dreamily waving their fronds in the tropical breeze is great i'm sure
but i wanna get my rocks off.  i've been here nearly 2 hours now and still i
haven't been rogered by a bronzed blonde adonis...what the buggery bollocks
is going on?


oh.  erm...hi....the gay dirty den is back.


so...down to business....alasdair, get your kecks down and bend over!
oh no, that wasn't what i meant to say at all..i think its that sea-water in
my head..

the lovely mr cook said:

>Anyway, well done to the Manic Street Preachers for getting to number
>one without the use of any cynical marketing ploys, oh no. What we need
>is more po-faced sloganeering at the top of the charts, that's what I
>say. Vive la revolution!


quite so.  "a slave begins by demanding freedom and ends by wanting to hold
the whip".... was it me, or was that song a bunch of pretentious bollocks?
oh, silly question, it was a manics song..

and whilst we're on the subject of revolutions, i saw something very bizarre
the other sunday morning.  crawling out of bed to face the day, i was
greeted by that strange sunday am entertainment programme with the
drop-dead-have-me-here-slap-me-on-the-patio-i'll-take-it-slow presenter.  if
you've seen it, you know the one i mean...and what were they featuring?  ben
from a1 singing tracy chapman's "talking 'bout a revolution"?
how strange.  has trying to write lyrics with political meaning become
absolutely meaningless when a boyband can sing about organised violent
revolt on an entertainment programme?  it seems so.  face it boys, come the
revolution you'll be first against the wall..... although you won't be
getting shot..

i was also very taken by robert foster's subject line:
> Sarah Cracknell - I want to be Sarah Cracknell

well my love, your wish is my command.  i will take you home and lock you in
my cellar.  remember to shout every once in a while or i might forget you're
there.



onto other matters...my friends, i am concerned.  it seems that we have a
criminal in our midst.
i am sorry to have to break this news
do you know who it is?  i think you do.
examine your consciences everybody...are they clean?
(are they really?)
(no....fuckin really?  NO WAY.....time you did something really BAD then)

erm  what was i saying?

oh yes..it saddens me to have to point this out but sarah clarke must be
brought to justice.

oh yes, my dear, you know what you have done.  several weeks ago a small
pottery pterodactyl came flying your way and has not been seen since.  i
have had spies watching you, and they tell me there are muffled squawks
coming from your freezer.

you are RUMBLED!
just WHAT were you planning anyway?
people don't EAT pterodactyls, they're an endangered species yknow.  sort of
like anne widdecombe but prettier.
set it free my love, set it free with a poem and let it fly...otherwise i
shall have to punish you.  and you don't want to be punished by the gay
dirty den.

and proclamations like

* Toilet Duck forever!

do not count.  although it does get into all the nooks and crannies.


finally, jarkko quoted the following:

. WBC has determined to send a >missionary team to Helsinki next
>Summer to >preach to those depraved >sinners in religious protest and
>warning, with Gospel singing and >signs: GOD HATES FAGS, FAGS DOOM NATIONS,
>AIDS CURES FAGS, FAGS DIE >GOD LAUGHS, FAGS BURN IN HELL, etc. REPENT! WBC

these people really have no idea what faith is.  faith is about love.  its
not about differentiating yourself from others, its about seeing the
humanity in us all.
i think jesus (if the guy existed) summed it up pretty well when he said
"judge not, that you be not judged".
having said that, the fact that people think like this challenges my faith
in humanity.  i'd like to believe that every person is important and has
something good to offer the world, but when you hear things like this its
hard to avoid the conclusion that there are some people that the world would
simply be better off without.  as my friend amrit once put it "ian..... some
people HAVE no redeeming features"


oh, that wasn't very dirty den was it?  no, no, no...i'm out of practice at
this business..

never stopped looking, never stopped looking for le-e-eo..(looking out for
leoo)

god, my arse is sore.

very clean ian
----------------------

"dreams are just like wine
and i am drunk on mine"

mama cass


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