Sinister: growing potatoes by the score

[alix campbell]

Hello you swineherds

I^Òm only allowed on the net at weekends, but I am allowed to compile posts 
during the week, which can only mean I will write things which have already 
been said and weren^Òt funny to start with. It also gives you, the reader, a 
glimpse into my sad and idle life. My plans today consist of going to 
Sainsbury^Òs to buy tinned tomatoes and to post some letters. Which is a lot 
more than I did yesterday, believe me.

Are posts really like chocolate bars, Honey? Can I eat them instead of going 
the entire 2 minutes walk to the shop? Which posts are equivalent to chunky 
KitKats (the baroness of fattening snacks)? My spell check says I should 
write ^Ñchitchats^Ò not ^Ñkitkats^Ò. Chunky chitchats.

Greig said, quite a long time ago now:
^ÓFrom what I can gather, the album's been finnished^Ô

Is this like being polished?  Am I being annoying? If you^Òre on a coach from 
Oxford to London ever, look out for a sign reading ^ÑPolish War Memorial^Ò I 
think most people however, didn^Òt immediately think of Pledge when they read 
it.

The other day I was amazed to see B&S members on Real Rooms with Simon Biagi 
(BBC 1, weekdays, 11am). Stevie Jackson was having his living room done up. 
He was very impressed with the finished room; a multi-textural distressed 
paint effect using Sapphic lavender and classic beige accentuated with 
tastefully modern day-glo pink. The skirting board, architrave and panelling 
were beautifully decorated using a specially designed Petula Clark shaped 
stencil and gold leaf. The Care Bears accessories really helped too, 
especially the lampshade and waste bin. The team was assisted by Stevie^Òs 
friend Stuart ^Ñalways ready to lend a hand, especially where MDF is 
concerned^Ò Murdoch, and Stevie^Òs mum, Wobbly Mabel, who makes a great cuppa, 
apparently!

Starry said:
>Speaking of lesbians (and their
>associated housemates), Lixi is back! Yippee! It could ONLY get any better 
>if
>this pretty foul "milkshake" (my arse) turned into a superb W-Bar of 
>Harringay milkshake.

Miss Sarah appears to be insinuating that I am one of those filthy deviant 
lesbo whores*. Or perhaps my grip of English language has slipped a bit 
more. On a different note, I propose that the next sinister meet-up is held 
in the W-Bar, here on Green Lanes, cos it^Òs ace.  Like really really ace. 
Better than never having to watch Big Break ever again, even!

Anyway, here I sit, a few days after writing the above, dipping teletubbie 
custard creams into a mug of nice black Darjeeling, thus being seemingly 
sophisticated and Not Really Poor. I^Òve just been to a Sainsbury^Òs 
interview, which went very well, but I think I^Òve passed too many GCSEs to 
work on the fish counter. Shame. I got back to find a summons for 
non-payment of council tax. If anyone wants to firebomb Haringey council as 
punishment for their sheer incompetence, please please do. Starry rang me up 
too, and has forced me to go to Greenwich market. That^Òs another day sitting 
around, watching TV, down the drain.

Rachel Tucker, don^Òt you live in Oxford? If so, why don^Òt you ride trains to 
some of Oxfordshire^Òs beautiful little rural hamlets? Many of them do now 
have train stations, and some even have television. Mind you, it^Òs only BBC, 
none of these new channels like ITV.

Big congratulations to Ailsa. Bit grown up, all this.

Valentine^Òs Day. I will be doing my best to sleep through the whole sorry 
event.

The NME, via Miss Honey said:
>BELLE AND SEBASTIAN LOSE BASSIST

I like that. Like when you can^Òt find your shoes in the morning. I reckon 
Sarah M and Richard C are trotting around Glasgow, muttering ^Ówe left him 
here, under the stairs, has ANYONE seen our bloody bassist? This is absurd, 
we^Òre going to be so late, where is he?^Ô
Sorry. That wasn^Òt actually funny, was it?

If you^Òve got bored by this lengthy thingy, look at it this way ^Ö would you 
rather I wrote a post full of nincompoopery every day, or would you rather 
be able to delete it in one go?

Bollocks, I have to leave, otherwise the one we know as Fluffy Sarah will 
get unfluffy waiting for me to Get Out Of The House And Onto The Bus.

Love Lixi

*If you have a problem with this sentence, write me privately, and also if 
you are Willow from Buffy, please write too.

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