Sinister: suprise suprise...

[rachel tucker]

...it's me again. yes me, not cilla black. though i did try out my new
improved scouse accent at work today (i've been studying the last couple of
brookside omnibuses). it wasn't what you'd call a roaring success, partly
because all my accents are appalling, but mainly because i hadn't noticed
that my form tutor was in the queue...i think that i *may* have implied that
the reason i hadn't been officially at school for months was because i had
moved to liverpool, a fairly decent excuse i would say...i mean, how could i
possibly turn up in time for registration if i'm commuting from the mersey
to the thames everyday? admittedly the actual distance i have to travel is
ooh, about 3 1/2 miles down one road, but he doesn't know that...i don't
want people thinking i'm just lazy...

mind you, they'd be right. i am a lazy cow. i promised faithfully that i
would do some work today, i convinced myself completely and utterly...i
truly believed...like tinkerbell&peter pan....and now i'm sat here telling
myself that monday's not over yet, there's still plenty of time...i've lied
to everyone in my house, on the phone and in the supermarket, they all think
i have written the first draft of my english coursework...only you know the
truth... i haven't even read the bloody book yet...

so what the hell have i done instead???

well, let's see, ummm, i...got up....wandered round my room (yeah...1 1/2
steps forward, 2 across, took me a while), somehow kept myself occupied by
seeing how many ways i could arrange my shoes in a line for...blimey, must
have been a good hour or so...looked at my folder, realised i only had 3
sheets of paper so had to go buy some, loitered in the stationary shop for a
bit...by that stage it was time for lunch and neighbours, went to work late
cos decided a cigarette was more important, got home late cos a cigarette
(or two, maybe three) was more important...watched crap telly, stared at the
ceiling for a while...and now i am sat here.

a whole day!!!! a whole fucking day!!!  HOW??? can someone please tell me
how the hell i have managed to waste 13 hours doing absolutely fuck all??? i
wouldn't mind but this happens to me EVERY day. every single sodding one.
and i haven't even gone to the pub. my life is crap. alright, i went to
work. for 4 hours. and i do sod all there as well. but for over 2/3 of my
waking day so far i have done nothing of any worth whatsoever. even when i
do turn up at school i'm there for a maximum of two hours. i'm useless, i
really am.

as you can *probably* tell i am very angry with myself. and i am also
wallowing in self pity. i am sorry to inflict you all with this, but i think
i have lost the plot. if i ever had it. can you suffer from terminal
laziness, or is it just a mental state? does it pass? if it doesn't i may be
forced to simply retire to my bed like some glamorous but ultimately
self-centred has-been actress. someone that stuart murdoch could write
cutting but slightly wistful songs about...now that's something to aim for!
i'm feeling happier already!

<right i am going to snap out of this...i must stop whinging, it's not at
all becoming...struan doesn't want to write songs about a girl who whinged a
lot>

to make myself feel better by thinking i actually do matter, i'm going to
quote owen quoting me...freaky or just bigheaded? you decide...

>Rachel said 'I want to know who my crush votes are from' and 'vote for
>someone else not me'
>well OK, one was from me and I shall unvote as soon as I can work out how
>to vote for nobody cos the state that I am in at the minute a crush from
>me is the last thing you would want.

<excited squealing here! followed by concern at owen's state of mind; what's
wrong mate? and then despair as rachel realises what she's done...>

now i'm sure i did mean it when i told people to change their crush votes
(though it may have been cos alexander scared me...;))...just like i meant
to write 1500 words on the representation of women in 'wide sargasso sea'...
and admittedly in the last two days i've managed to tell you all that i'm a
backstabbing lazy lying moaning selfish bitch...but,

<dramatic pause>

i wanna be loved!!! i take it back! i will try harder to make my posts
interesting and maybe, if i practise lots, i might even have a crack at
witty as well...you never know, one day i could type something <whisper it>
worthwhile...! really, i am crushworthy...honest???

<i am going to make a concentrated effort to stop talking about myself
now...though mind you, i'm probably talking *to* myself anyway...>

gav said:

>Other than that, the weekend was absolute bobbins (which is my
>word of the month...). United lost to the Geordies. Leeds won. So
>did the scousers. Sometimes football can be cruel.

all i have to say about this cruel sport is

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

and a few !!!!!!!!!! cos i feel like it. d'you know, that pinnacle of
journalism that is the oxford mail even gave out a 5-star rating for an
oxford player for the first time this millennium? i could have wet myself
laughing, how the standards have dropped....bobbins would definitely be the
word to describe it, but victorious bobbins, obviously

and arantxa said:

>Poor Stuart D! As I have just read in someone
>else's email , I'd rather have Looper than his songs for Belle and
>Sebastian

yep, definitely. i like stuart d, i think he creates mood and images very
clearly through his music...there has been talk of his spoken word pieces
being 'pish'... au contraire, his words often make the hairs on the back of
my neck start to tingle....maybe it's the voice, it makes me want to hug
people and tell them i love them...but yeah, maybe his songs didn't fit with
b&s, in that setting they did neither him or them justice...i hope
everything works out for him, and i still can't ignore the anxious dread in
the pit of my stomach that this is the beginning of the end....

this piece of worldly wisdom on the joys of being single is from martin, no
particular reason why i'm repeating it, it just made me laugh....

>6: You don't have to go meet his / her friends and pretend to like them
>and get in trouble in a conversation about fast cars when you say you
>always wanted a milk float.

a mate of mine, when very drunk, tried to get on a milk float while waving a
tenner, shouting 'will this get me to little milton?' at 4 in the morning.
while she clung desperately to the back of the vehicle with one foot
trailing behind her in the air, the milkman sped up to all of 10 mph to try
and shake her off, much to the helpless hilarity of all us onlookers. when
this had no effect, he came to an abrupt halt, got out, picked her up off
the floor of his trusty cart, deposited her at our feet, and continued on
his way. the moral of this little tale? ummm...owning a milk float makes you
vulnerable to drunkards?

anyway...yet again i have bored you all stupid...i promise (i mean it this
time!!!) i won't inflict another post on you until either i've got something
to say, or until next week...wow! that'll be something to look forward to!!

lovin' and leavin' y'all my sweetpeas

rachel xxx






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