Sinister: You look like a piece of birthday cake, dear! Too bad everyone's had a piece...

[Laura Llew]

Oh! I must say that I'm quite excited to be in charge of the bookshop in 
Sinister Village. When Honey suggested that we all move to a farm, I got put 
in charge of the milk maids (since I grew up on a farm and was the only one 
who knew anything about milking.... cows.)  The bookshop seems to be a lot 
more subdued and more suited to me anyway. Instead of marking books with 
"Oprah's BookClub" stickers there would just be "Laura Literary List"  
markers on the book. Yes, very nice indeed!

I was thinking that I'd have a HUGE religion section right across from a 
GIGANTIC homosexual section. Maybe make the aisle a bit small. That way 
people looking at the opposite sides would have to brush into each other. 
I'd put it close to the door so that if anything got out of hand I could 
shoo them into the town square for a nice row. I wonder if there are any 
Southern Baptists or Jehovah Witnesses in this village? (They seem to be 
everywhere else...) From what I've seen, they're better at bible bashing and 
full out heated religious wars than others (though I must say that Mormon 
missionaries are by far the *cutest*. BTW, I must say that Christopher was 
dead wrong about Christianity dying a very quick death. 2,000 years in the 
making and it's not going anywhere soon. Sorry to disappoint you, old pal.)  
Who says a bookshop can't be a place of excitement too? But I shall need 
help you know. *Posts a "now accepting applications' sign*

If there is a beauty shop, I think it should called "Curl up & Dye." This 
was the name of one on some crappy Julia Roberts movie (didn't realize one 
of those existed, didja?) I saw the other night. Really, I've seen better 
film on teeth.

I had to wait until after midnight to send this post because the main reason 
I'm writing is to wish MARIE ELIA a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Yes, sinister 
children, today is Ree's 22nd birthday! I've always thought that she was one 
of the loveliest lasses of Sinisterville.  Never have I encountered such 
foul mindless perversity! I wonder if she's ever considered a career in 
politics? No, really, she's wonderful! This isn't just because she's dark 
headed and from the eastern US (a sure sign of greatness indeed). But she 
also has great taste in boys -- Blake (very dreamy) and Paralis Jared (who 
said, "My parents don't wear enough leather for my tastes."  If I ever make 
a list of things that I never want to see, I believe that my parents in 
leather will be at the top of that list. But whatever floats your boat, 
Jared.) Not only that but her posts are always chalked full of smut and 
other great things. To prove this point, I went back in the archives and 
picked out my top 5 Marie Elia moments.

5-- "Anyway, how did i spend my saturday night, if not listening to mercury 
rev/sparklehourse, like i shoulda been? Well, a trip to Barnes & Noble, of 
course... Thirdly, i hereby recommend The Little Prince (anotine du sainte 
exupery -- i'm sure i spelled that wrong."  {Note: This was before either 
the Literary List or my sinister bookshop so Marie is absolved by not 
'taking advantage' of either one of these. FYI, it's Antoine De 
Saint-Exupery with an accent over the e in the last name. A good quote from 
that book is, "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only 
with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to 
the eye.")

4--  "But they gave me a purple lollipop, and who can be upset with a lolli 
in her mouth? (erm, yeah...)"

3--  "Sarah, your fish is begging to be called Shaft. Easy as that. Ain't no 
mo-fo in the fishbowl going to mess with him with a name like that. But I'd 
advise keeping the lady fishes away, you know what I mean?"

2-- "Oh, and tinky-winky made his way in there about 3 times!"  {*Laura Llew 
blushes* Don't ask me what she was talking about there....}

and the number one excerpt from Marie Elia's posts is.......
1-- "(although i CAN crochet -- oh geez, i'm so cool, yeah?)"

{Notice knone of that knasty knitting is mentioned, eh?}

Anyway, here's to most charming, loveliest girl Marie! Of course, if someone 
were having a seizure in her bathtub, she'd throw in her laundry...

Love & a Jim Croce mix tape

Laura

PS- I have used all of my now very limited computer time writing this post. 
So, if I owe you an e-mail or a diatribe on Tristam Shandy, a thousand 
apologies. And *tight hugs that leave you breathless* to the boy who 
introduced me to ennuni & called me an old woman. hehe. You couldn't get rid 
of me so easily. *sticks out her tongue*

******
-Go look at all the hard work the ever witty and brillant Jan Imgrund puts 
forth into making LL's Lovely Literary List:  
http://perso.club-internet.fr/jimgrund/litlist.htm
- Don't give into Amazon! Support your local bookshop or independent ones on 
the web like http://www.seekbooks.com/default.asp?storeurl=PoorRichards

"When I die, I want to go peacefully and quietly in my sleep like my 
grandfather did - not screaming and shouting like the passengers in his car 
at the time."
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