Sinister: Ooh it's hard for the man

[Mark Casarotto]

Sinister Village. Yes please. Velocity Girl asked me to run the disco, while
Peter runs the porno shop. Erm, how about we have a half share in each?
Peter can slap on some Amon Duul and then sell butt plugs from the door of
the DJ booth while I cunningly segue into a pop S!M!A!S!H! from Kate
B!U!S!H! while he's not looking, and he can gain his revenge with some Neu!
B-sides while I'm demonstrating how to gain maximum satisfaction out of an
inflatable Stuart David. Or a Wee Karn who lives up to her name.

And I just need to say Lucy Alder, Hospital Radio - and cheers to Owen the
Stud, for taking the horse-shagging duties. Probably the only creatures he
wouldn't split right open with his love truncheon, I'd imagine. Can I be in
the football team too? Anyone who remembers my opening goal for Looper
(ahem) at Camber Sands will guarantee I've got just the right sort of spunk
to penetrate even the tightest boxes. I'd also like to sign up for the
cricket team and the mafia. I think I may qualify for the latter by
birthright. I'm going to the mattresses.

Will Jason Andreas be the Prodigal Son? Or should that be Christal Balls?

As for the next T****m*****g, it's still up in the air as the increasingly
irritating bloke from the Mean Fiddler hasn't got back to me. I'll do my
level best, Leyla, promise...

Did anyone hear about the truck driver who had his licence taken away for 24
hours when it was revealed he'd spent 16 days driving without a break?
Obviously some kind of astronaut-esque urinary system must have helped, as
well as Metal Machine Music on a loop. Me and my mate Bob once decided to
spend an afternoon listening to the whole of Lou Reed's epic, and I must
admit I really quite enjoyed it. So I can probably keep up with Peter after
all. Oh yes, I had another musical recommendation the other night - can
anyone tell me if the 100%, 200% and 300% Dynamite (sp.?) compilations are
worth investing in?

Brandt's problem with B&S surprises me. It's odd, but whenever I put a B&S
song on a compilation, I sigh when it comes on - the whole point (to me) of
making a compilation, at least if it's for myself, is to put the songs I
want to listen to N!O!W! on it, and therefore most of them aren't likely to
be too familiar. But the shock of the new is spoilt somewhat when I reach
the Belle track, and I invariably regret having featured it. Much better is
to languish in a whole album (or two, or three) and get the full gorgeous
B&S kick in one go.

Isn't Masterpiece the record pressing company? Certainly loads of my 7" from
way back when have got "Masterpiece" carved into them. My favourite run-out
groove is on This Woman's Work by Kate Bush (have I gone on at length about
how great Kate Bush is? I have? Righto) - "Up yours, Ugly", it says. I cried
that night.

Overusing his exclamation marks,
Mark!
xxx



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