Sinister: me to eternal torture, why don't you. i hate 'subject' lines

[alix campbell]

Dear you lot,

Morning has broken. Actually it did that a good while ago, but I stayed in 
bed. Now afternoon has, um, crumbled and it^Òs dismal. I feel like a pig shat 
in my head. I^Òm suffering from something, cos my head is killing me. I want 
breakfast but I only have 2 potatoes, some pesto, some rice and more tins of 
plum tomatoes than I^Òll ever use. And two weetabix, but no milk.

I woke up when the doorbell went. I picked up the intercom thing and 
attempted to say hello, but someone with severe bronchitis had possessed my 
voice. ^ÑHolloway carpets^Ò said the voice at the other end. I peered at the 
handset for a moment, trying to work out what this meant, before huskily 
replying ^Ñno thanks^Ò and stumbling back into bed.

I have painted my toenails fluorescent pink. It is very cheering on a grim 
Thursday to awake and remember your toes are neon. My fingernails were the 
same yesterday, but I had to get rid of it for a job interview in a pet 
shop.

<Lixi stares vaguely out of the window for some time>

I think this has turned into a ^Ñdear diary^Ò post. I^Òm sorry. I^Òll move on to 
more relevant issues. I bought two records yesterday, at a bargain price of 
49p each. The first was the Rocky Horror Show soundtrack, because I like the 
Time Warp, and the second was called ^ÑGerman Beer Drinking Songs^Ò and the 
sleeve says it^Òs the ^Ñbest beer hall atmosphere ever recorded^Ò. How_could_I 
resist?
I regret not buying the LP of ^ÑIcelandic Independent Bands of the 1980^Òs^Ò 
that I saw a while back.

I want to live in the sinister village too. What I could be however isn^Òt 
very nice, and some people of glam persuasions already know about this, but 
I would be a pimp for woodland mammals supplying stoats, dormice, rabbits 
and badgers to whoever needed them for whatever purpose. I know it^Òs a bit 
seedy, but it goes on and if I don^Òt do it, someone else will, and you don^Òt 
know if they^Òll be treating their ferrets as good as I treat mine. So, 
remember its Lixi^Òs for all your mammalian desires. I could even get some 
ponies for Tim Hopkins.
Alternatively I could be a woman who does. I like tidying. And babysitting, 
so get procreating. Or a pedant who goes on and on about language structure 
in an uneducated way, boring everybody. PamB should be hairdresser. MartinR 
could be the weird person who is convinced he rules the fish people. There 
should also be a netball team.

Arantxa said about her lovely boulangerie idea:
so ours will be placed in a very
exclusive and difficult to find corner in that Sinisterian village to be,
only for its inhabitants.No tourists.Tourists are smelly and wear
thick,wolly socks matching orthopedic sandals.

Which reminded me of the League of Gentlemen. Which I think is GRATE. A nice 
LOCAL shop.
^ÑWill heaven be like Swansea?^Ò
^ÑYes Tubs, but bigger^Ò

GEORGE DICKIE said:
DID I EVER TELL U
  THAT MY FRIEND
        WAS NEARLY THE MILKYBAR KID???

My brother used to look like the Milky bar kid. He had glasses and blond 
hair and I teased him something chronic. I also spent lots of our mutual 
youth trying to convince him that he had Tourette^Òs syndrome, because he 
swore a lot and was prone to weird twitching. Now he^Òs stronger than me and 
I have to be nice to him. It^Òs ok though, he likes B&S.

Chri_sto_pher said:
PS. Starry, your mind scares me!

It scares me too sometimes, but its ok, she^Òs quite harmless. Aren^Òt you 
dear?
) Bobface says: ^Ñgerroffa moi larnd, or Mussus Barbfice wull fetch ^Ñer 
rollin^Ò pen, than yarl be sarry. Arr^Ò (

<phone rings, tomorrow night I shall be handing out flyers for BlowUp>
<Tom returns and puts the Rocky Horror Soundtrack on>

I suppose I should get dressed. I^Òm hungry, hungry, send me some food 
please..

Love Lixi


"Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's an 8 inch anal probe, silly" ~ 
DNaMagazine

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