Sinister: NNNRRRRRRRRAGH!*

[Alder, Lucy]

So, 29th of February it is.  My watch thinks it's March already.  That's
what happens when you go to Argos, kids!  Apparently some 13th century queen
dictated that on this day, gurls can ask boyz to marry them and if they
refuse, they incur a hy-uge fine.  Sounds like a great way to get even with
your worst enemy - he either ends up substantially out of pocket, or you can
inflict a lifetime of misery upon him, hopefully with the help of a
heavy-bottomed frying pan.  

I'm definitely having a heavy-bottomed frying pan in my B&B - I can cook my
famous breakfasts in it and use it to deter guests from fighting over the
remote control in the lounge at the same time.  Well, maybe not at the same
time - hot fat's the devil to get out of long-pile carpets and it doesn't
half pong.

Velocity said:
>>as I'm really considering
marriage with a certain person, I think we should
forget our honeymoon in Vegas and go to Lucy's Bed &
Breakfast instead... what do you think love?
I'd like to say that it would be an honour.  I can't promise you high
kicking cabaret artists or glitzy gambling dens (although I'm sure plenty
sinisterines could demonstrate their high kicking technique after a bottle
or two of Babycham and the pub will doubtless have a one-armed bandit), but
I can promise you your own teasmade, two packets of shortbread fingers and,
if you decide to fork out an extra tenner, an ensuite bathroom.  Otherwise,
you'll have to wrap yourselves in towels and tiptoe down the corridor.

What I'd like to know is who's going to do the dodgy jobs in the village?
Who's going to collect our rubbish?  Clear out the blocked U-bend?  Go down
manholes to monitor the sewerage system?  Feed the pigs?  Scoop up the dog
pooh on the pavements?  There's been far to much luvvie-duvvie crap on the
list lately - it doesn't feel natural.  Go on, nominate your worst enemy to
clear up the dogshite, I dare you.

Juicy Lucy

*What do you think of my Kelis impression then?  Not bad, eh?  I've been
practising.  Yes.

 
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