Sinister: Media Release from The Major

[Alexander Borgia]

Sini-Gladiators in the Arena of Sinister....

Sadly I must report that The Major returned to base yesterday,
completely exhausted from a week of staying up late and fragging
everything that moved in the Quake Arena.  I can assure you that the
fate of the universe was in good hands.

I will admit that I am a new junkie, and some how this has passed onto
The Major who it seems is the perfect height to read all the tabloid
headlines at check-out stands. As you can imagine he had many questions
about the end of the world in various forms as a result of 3 headed
space aliens living in Idaho and many returns of the Messiah most likely
riding on a meteor. Thus he got to stay up and watch the switch over
with the new year and see that everything would still be there.

I managed to synchornize my computer clock to the correct second based
upon the world's cesium clock so The Major was impressed to know that he
would know the exact second it was 2000. Everything went off without a
hitch and he got to see a bit of the fireworks from the window. There's
a bunch of buildings blocking the view to Toronto so he wasn't able to
see them. But of course The Major, being an officer, never really does
well with the binoculars. Well, except for the one time when he
exclaimed, "Cool, I can see a girl in her bedroom getting undressed."
and the punk refused to tell me where.  Having been assured that the
world would stay put, he flaked out in bed at 12:30 after listening to
some B&S, and for once slept in on Saturday.

New Years day was spent trying to unplug the toilet and by saving the
universe from reptiloid aliens bent on destruction. The Major has no New
Year's resolutions to offer, an official statement may be released to
the media at a later date.

At 6:22 am, January 1, 2000, an earthquake registering 5.5 on the
Richter Scale was experienced in the region. The Mjaor reports that
there was no reason for concern and that everything is normal. A likely
cause for the eathquake is under study and it could be the possible over
use of the highly radioactive BFG gun or rocket launchers, however, the
possibility has been ruled out that the cause was the excessive partying
in Toronto.  The Major has a keen interest in Natural Disaster, and
studies these matters seriously before releasing statements. This is his
second earthquake experience. (I on the other hand seem to flirt with
death which he thinks is cool, and frightens me: 4 earthwquakes, 1
hurricane, 1 tornado, 2 near hits with lightening, 1 electrocution, 2
explosions)


Command Office of Major Intruder,
Quake III Arena Gladiator

+----------------------------------------------------------------------+
   +---+  Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list  +---+
  To send to the list mail "sinister at majordomo.net". To unsubscribe
   send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to
  "majordomo at majordomo.net".  WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+
 +-+  "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+
 +-+       "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper        +-+
+----------------------------------------------------------------------+