Sinister: now wash your hands

[ian]

hello my sons and daughters of the morning....i hope the new century is
beginning to twinkle with the inner brilliantness that you all know you
have..

oh, shit....i forgot i was the gay dirty den there for a minute...

hello, fuckers...wanna make somethin of it?

yeah, that's better.

so, you're asking yourself....is there some point to this e-mail...well, yes
there is.
here are the long-awaited (and probably long forgotten) results of the
"choose a name for b&s's new album" competition.
well, my dears, we had a huge number of entries, nearly making it into
double figures, and it was hard to whittle them all down to a couple of
favourites, but i am a matyr to my cause:


in third place we have Antti Koskiranta..with the worthy "attack of the 50ft
cellist".

what a picture...our belle striding over the houses, armed with a bow, on a
mission to make the world groovy..will she do it?
who knows?  such missions usually end in failure.  and making the world
groovy is a pretty gigantic task.  but i'm sure our heroes will try their
hardest.

in second place..., simon gooch with 'They Don't Do Blue Coffees Here
Madeline, No Style'
chosen chiefly for its utter irrelevance to anything
which is always important in an album title.  in my opinion, more bands
should append nonsensical titles to their musical creations.
nice try simon, better luck next time..

the winner is...the lovely alasdair cook,  for the deadly
"Have a wank with...".

simple, but beautifully effective, i'm sure you'll agree.  no clever tricks
here, just the old cliche of linking sex and music which still maintains as
much relevance today as it did when dean martin first crooned "yo! bitch!
come sit on my cock!"...
alasdair gets the ian silver star of approval.. and the prize, if you wish
it...simply send me your address and you will receive either a night with
bonnie langford or an alternative prize of equal value chosen by the
organisers of this contest...
either that, or you'll get yourself a stalker.  that's the risk you take..

well, i think its nice every so often to mention something someone else
wrote, so here it is...the nameless xtensioncord wrote the following:

>Pop Music cannot be fully debated and defended since it's
>roots are in money and the blooming media. It's based in luxuries not
>necessities.


true...but then again, this could apply to any art form.  i'm sure i don't
need to point out that "art" as we know it today is largely a question of
having your work stamped with approval from the correct source, of getting
your work to a gallery... (puts on his reactionary hat) when someone can
exhibit an unmade bed and be one of the frontrunners for the turner prize
(yes, yes, i know that anything can be art but once you've had duchamp
exhibiting a urinal and manzoni canning and selling his own shit that point
has pretty much been made) and countless other people die in obscurity that
shows how that game is one of luck, and being discovered.

the same can apply to any other form of art you choose to focus on.  yes,
there's plenty of it about, and those that are successful are frequently
those that least deserve to be, but art is always going to be based in
luxuries, not necessities... and its always going to be defined to some
extent by pennies.. does this make all art undiscussable?

as for the new vs. old debate..well, of course there's new music being made.
its possible to make a pastiche of something that has already gone and
actually improve on it.  the melody maker poll for music of the millenium
placed the stone roses at no 2, one place above the beatles.. whether or not
you agree with that (and i don't), it demonstrates that music which is
heavily derivative, yet reinvigorated, and suffused with the spirit of the
time in which it is performed, is bound to be more relevant to many than the
roots from which it sprang...
or to drag my analogy on further...remember that without the roots, there
would be no tree, but don't forget to eat the fruit every now and again.

having said that, a lot of my record collection dates from the late 1960s..

hmmmm...there was lots more but this is becoming a very long post...

i shall go now, off for a traditional W, and leave you with today's
music-related joke.

Q:  how do you make a duck into a singer?

A: put it in a microwave and its bill withers...

geddit?

of course, i could never actually countenance doing such a thing..
anyway, i've tried it and it doesn't work...

yeah?  wanna make something of it?  yer dealing with the gay dirty den
here...

good-bye for now my shimmerers..

waffly ian


ps..ailsa said

PS receiving compliments on my posts from ian is rather like Noel
Gallagher receiving compliments on his lyrical sensitivity and genius
from Struan.  But thanks anyway :)  It worked.

*glows with pleasure*...thank you, duck...for the compliment.  but you are
no noel gallagher.  you are cooler than a scottish sarah cracknell and the
thinking man's duffel-coat wearer of the year.

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