Sinister: ring ring. I'm making that phone go ring.

[Sleeka Sounds]

Hello,

I was reading the nme, apparently ol dirty bastard shouted "sperm donor" at 
a woman in court.  Fancy that.

I had to turn off that Gormenghast program, the guy with the long hair 
really turned my stomach,  he's grotty.   Like that bastard off the phone 
advert (not funkyseb) the mobile phone advert, the guy that's stalking that 
girl then gets to shag her for nothing.  That's not on.

Talking of which, don't read this if you don't like swearing or if your name 
is Stephen Pastel.  I don't usually swear at all, I'm really quiet and I 
love little babies and puppies.

====================

A long time ago in a land called Partick there lived a young man called 
Stephen Pastel.  He  was the sort of ruffian that would call folk "wank" or 
"poof" and then batter them.    And it wasn't just children, it was grown 
ups too.  He thought he was the hardest cunt  in town and whilst punching 
people he would cry out loud "the hardest cunt in town!", just  like that.   
But he wasn't really the hardest cunt in town, his rich dad was paying 
everyone  behind his back to let him think he was.  And, you know, people 
didn't mind getting  punched by him, because it didn't hurt (it actually 
tickled a wee bit).

Now then, one day the circus came to town.  Stephen Pastel fucking loves the 
circus, that is  a well known indie fact.   He couldn't sleep the night 
before, his legs where kicking and he  kept getting up for glasses of water 
and looking at the clock and wishing it was circus  time.   At long last the 
time arrived, and he sprinted to the big top faster than a speeding   
rocketship.  He ran up to the best seat, punched the woman sitting in it and 
told  her to fuck off.  Which of course she did, because she had already 
been paid by his rich dad.

And so the show began...colourful clowns fell about silly, lions roared, the 
strong man  lifted up a really fat woman and a man did a handstand.  Stephen 
Pastel was loving it.  Then  he saw her - the trapeze girl.  She was a 
beauty and he fell in love with her.  After the  show he thought to himself 
"I must meet her, and make her mine".  He wandered up to the   girls caravan 
and chapped on the door.  "Hello", he said, "this is Stephen Pastel here, 
hard  cunt.  I love you, I want to marry you".  "Go away", came the girly 
reply from inside "I'm  not interested".   Stephen Pastel was at first 
flabbergasted, then he was raging.  "Well,  if you don't want me", he 
shouted, "I'm gonna have to batter you raaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrr".   He  burst in 
and punched the girl on the nose.   But instead of falling over like  people 
normally did, she just looked at him.  "That wasn't sowa at all," she said, 
"you'we no hawd cunt, you'we soft.  Your wich daddy has been pawing people 
to let you punch them so that you'wd thwink that you'we hard!".  Then she 
pulled of her wig - she wasn't a girl she was a man.  In fact she was the 
Murdoch!  "You'we fow it now!", the Murdoch said and proceeded to punch 
Stephen Pastel until he ran away crying.

He was distraught!  How could his own dad have done this to him?  He wasn't 
hard, he was  soft, in fact he was so soft he could be a qualified 
librarian.  Then and there, he decided to devote the rest of his life to 
being lovely.   And you know, with all the money his rich dad was saving, he 
bought him the circus, which Stephen got to go to every single night until 
he died.


right up you,
  Christoffa

me - http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~calnd/sleeka/
murdoch - http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~calnd/stuart/stuart.htm
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