Sinister: Dictionary Day

[Alexander Borgia]

[Sounds of Isobel playing cello and Sarah playing violin]

[Images of violin shaped Sarah and Isobel and jello]

[harp sounds]

[ more harp sounds]

Hello Boys and Girls from the Troll who won't go away.

Today's dictionary day is about bad words. We are going to look into
some of those naughty words you aren't allowed to say. But first, we
have a letter from a boy called The Major. He is 8 and he says that the
way he gets to say bad words is to discuss them with your parents. Ask
questions about the dirty word and you can say it as often as you like.
But make sure you let your parent know  that you are only saying the bad
word so that you can find out more about it.

What a wonderful idea, boys and girls. So that is how we can talk about
bad words today. Our first bad word to discuss is, now remember, we are
only saying it to find out more about the word, we aren't actually using
it or saying it to get into touble, our word is:

Mother-f
[abrupt stop]

[cue announcer]


We interupt this broadcast to bring you a Special Presentation. This
episode of Dictionary Day was never supposed to be aired any way. The
following is paid for and is the opinions solely of the firm Bear, Bear,
Bear, and Nephew, and Son.

[theme song from 2001 A Space Odyssey - then deep resonant voice]

Welcome to Sini-Crush 2000. Your weekly update on the Crush list watch.
This is the Weekend Edition.

[sponser's advert]

A bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. Said the bear to to
the rabbit, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" To
which the rabbit replied in the negative, so the bear wiped his ass with
the rabbit.

Here at Bear, Bear, Bear, and Nephew and Son, we will represent you and
make sure that none of the shit sticks to you. We can have bail posted
within an hour. Call us and we will be there quicker than a rabbit.

[end sponser's advert]


[cue announcer]

What a wild week it has been. The Sini-Crush is getting off to an
interesting start. There are still quite a few potential votes to be
cast.  Let's have a look at what has happened so far....

Laura (I'm not a tart, I'm the whole pie) Llew has increased her lead
with 3 votes. {lleweth at hotmail.com}

Ellen (Think about it, I'm Scandanavian) Jernström has made it onto the
list with a vote.{nelle at hem.passagen.se}


We see this from Alasdair [those fucking bastards pre-empted my guest
spot on Dictionary Day] Cook who already has a vote registered and gets
another one today..... {acook at cs.strath.ac.uk}

" VOTE FOR ME BECAUSE I'M THE GREATEST! NO-ONE ELSE IS BETTER THAN ME IN
THE WHOLE WORLD! It's true."

And those are not only the two leaders overall, but leading by gender.

We also see Idle [you weren't planning on closing both eyes when you
sleep ] Berry threaten her beau....{idleberry at yahoo.com}

"boyfriends can be replaced *hint hint warning*"

Can we know if she voted his name?


As well, we see this from Jeanette (no last name but I will take
advantage of your young body because I'm older and wiser)
{jeanette at ktc.com}

"By the way, you should never believe a word I say. I'm over 30."

How about that for some subliminal mind control that seems to have
worked.

[commercial interruption]

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[end commercial interruption]

[cue announcer]

In further developments......

Rachel (watch me beat that tart Laura) Tucker, who already has one vote,
says this in a secret message which our analysts from the firm Bear,
Bear, Bear, and Nephew and Son, have
decoded.....{rachel at tigermilk.freeserve.co.uk}

"me doing my best fuck off teenage attitude....cos i can do the
business y'know...call me love and that's £12.39....hey, i meant it
about 'doing
the business' if you're interested...sheep who is definitely from
oxford"

Our analysts tell us that Rachel is definitely trying to secure the
rural vote in this move with advanced media techniques.

In another breaking story, our analysts have noticed considerable
activity on the body parts page. Now is this only Mummy catching up or
can we expect to see even more activity? Of course, the research
department of Bear, Bear, Bear, and Nephew and Son, are currently
verifying the stipulation that anyone appearing on the body parts page
will technically be a non-nursery member of the list, therefore capable
of having a registered vote placed in their favour.

This is cause for concern because today it was learned that a 10 million
dollar class action lawsuit was launched against the Toronto Sun and
their page 3 bikini girl and improprieties involving a photographer who
resigned Wednesday. Thankfully the firm Bear, et. al is not involved as
yet, however rumours have begun to surface in regards to Joesph's
missing two weeks. It has been discovered that Joseph is bisexual and
will have sex with both humans and bears. It would also appear that most
guys, particularly after an evening of pints, cannot distinguish a girl
bear from a boy bear from behind. Is there a scandal brewing up?

Our analysts are also following a trend of listees subtlely drawing
attention to the e-mail address or suddenly siginging off their e-mails
with their e-mail addy.  We'll see how things develop over the next
week.

That's it for this edition of Sini-Crush 2000 Weekend Edition. Remember,
cast your vote, doesn't matter if you know the person, (in fact, all the
better) but let's see you exercising your sinister right.



alexander.borgia at sympatico.ca

I'm not just any cheap internet slut, I'm king of the cheap internet
sluts.


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