Sinister: john ashdijan

[nick kinsella]

hello everyone!

john ashdijan used to live in a guest house on
givendale road. i know because i saw him cimong out of
there on his bicycle a few times. he played football
for scarborough, my (then) local team who i supported
for years, who spent most of their existence wallowing
in the depths of lower league football. i still
support them, but more passively now (i live 300 miles
away).

the thing is, (stay with me here, i'm going somewhere
with this. at least i should do if i ramble on long
enough). anyway, the thing is, what do you do when you
meet one of your heroes? sure, J.A. was a bit rubbish,
but he played for my team and i watched him week in
week out for years. i had an emotional attachment to
everything him and his team-mates did. i was elated
when they won, devastated when they lost, and
long-suffering when they were bad (and at times they
were very very bad indeed). 

but he didn't know me from adam. it was just his job
to play football, not emotional obligation to me. i
thought about speaking to him, but i just felt clumsy
and unwieldy in my words. so he just rode off, and i
never did get to speak to him. or tommy mooney, darren
foreman, george oghani, steve richards. they all lived
in the town, dammit. they were only ordinary people.

but i guess this is what we do. we have people in our
lives who exert all sorts of emotional influences on
us, such as sportspeople, musicians, etc, without ever
realising it. they mean alot to me, but i mean nothing
to them. they don't even know i exist. 

i think thats one reason why i like B&S so much.
there's no sense of detachment or upper-handedness.
they're just people, like you and me. and they don't
try to hide it, bless 'em.

ho-hum. its nice to be back, by the way. i was away
from you all for a while, but i'm here again now,
mummy. night-night.

nick


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