Sinister: never once made you explain or talk about all of the little details

[alix campbell]

Hallo

Here's the contribution for the month. Maybe it will make up for last months 
getting lost in the post.

Can one day we have a picnic that isn’t on top of a big hill? If we took a 
trip to the Norfolk broads, it would be flat. And full of boats and dykes. 
That would cater to everyone’s tastes, no?  I shall still go to the picnic. 
I can't help it. I won't remember any of your names though. Unless you're 
pretty. I’ll be the one looking tired. And possibly the one rolling down the 
hill with Ms MacArthur.

I have to go to work in 10 minutes.  I’m increasingly sick of it. The 
outgoings are not worth the rewards. I’m sick of people wanting my time. 
Specifically, I’m sick of men who reply 'Your phone number' when asked 
'Would you like anything else?' Just give me the money and fuck off, as my 
friend Tom says. Only, there's no money involved on the deli. ‘Just tell me 
how many slices of Sopocka you’d like and fuck off’ doesn’t sound the same.

I went back to Oxford on Sunday. It was quiet and pretty. I could have 
stayed. I was in the loft when I heard movement downstairs. It was my 
marvellous brother wandering around looking for me, a miniature cockerel in 
his hand. 'What are you doing with that bird?' I enquired. He climbed the 
ladder into the loft, and said 'Meet Jontyclew'. At least, that’s what it 
sounded like. He put the tiny thing on the floor, and it made straight for 
the section where my father grows interesting plants. I spent the next 10 
minutes in loft space, which for the entire world could have been a replica 
of Warhol's factory, chasing an undersize rooster. We didn’t tell my dad, 
but he'll wonder why there's hen poo in the loft, I guess.

All the post boxes round here have notices across the slot saying ‘Royal 
Mail Closed’. How can a post box be closed? I suspect it may be something to 
do with that strike in support of football hooliganism. I object to being 
affected by news stories. I could get stopped in the street and asked my 
opinion. I don’t like this one bit. Hot damn! Anne Robinson and her minions 
could be quizzing me at the drop of a hat. Better watch my back, hadn’t I? 
Alice Beer could be lurking.  Sarah Clarke, this is another reason why you 
haven’t received your birthday present yet.

At The Drop of A Hat was the title of a Flanders and Swann tape I had when I 
was younger. I loved it to bits. Our family weren’t big on buying tapes. I 
remember my brother once got a ‘learning to tell the time’ cassette. It was 
intensely irritating. All I recall is a song on it with these lyrics ‘You 
can chuck it in a bucket, you can throw it at the wall’. I still don’t know 
what that has to do with time, but I do recall secretly destroying the tape 
and then blaming a poltergeist.

alix

________________________________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com

+----------------------------------------------------------------------+
    +---+  Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list  +---+
    To send to the list mail sinister at missprint.org. To unsubscribe
    send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to
    majordomo at missprint.org.  WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students"  +-+
 +-+  "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list"  +-+
 +-+       "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper        +-+
 +-+   "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000   +-+
 +-+       "peculiarly deranged fanbase" "frighteningly named       +-+
 +-+           Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000           +-+
+----------------------------------------------------------------------+