Sinister: systematic destruction of sanity.

[the original pixidustlady]

hey everyone!
thanks to sophie and jay and paul for reassurance that the world isn't all
bad....

having a bit of a rant today. paul already knows this, as it was conceived
in its present form in a personal mail to him (you can skip this bit paul)
anyway, here is my problem >>>>>>
" society and the state and all the institutions associated with those
things.  the government and the finance industry.  nobody is seen as an
individual anymore, everyone has to be pidgeon-holed into one category or
another.  the world is so big that everyone just gets lost in a sea of faces
and numbers.  i'm not a
person, i'm a number.  i dont qualify for this benefit or that benefit, i do
qualify for this that and something else.  feed my number into a computer
and you can know everything about me.  its such utter bullshit.
i went to the bank the other day.  i want to get a small overdraft to tide
me over until i get paid for my summer job.  i get paid in arrears you see,
so i dont get to see any money until august 15th, although by then i will
have been working for over 6 weeks.  its a really good job, great pay and
everything.  but i dont have enough money in my bank account to last me
until the middle of august.  i have to pay for things like bus fares and
lunch and its my mums birthday in three days.
so i went to the bank to see if they'd give me a £100 overdraft for 4 weeks.
when i get paid i'll have more than enough to pay it off, and my student
loan will be going in as well in september.  but because there's been very
little activity on my card for the last three months (because i'm a student
and dont have any money to spare for things like shopping) they wont give me
any money.  its so silly.  for the bank to give me an overdraft, i have to
have money already going in and out of my account.
BUT IF I HAD MONEY GOING IN AND OUT OF MY ACCOUNT I WOULDN'T NEED A FUCKING
OVERDRAFT.  i just dont understand the logic behind this system, and the way
its geared against helping people.  i feel so helpless and insignificant,
because some computer is making decisions about whether or not i qualify for
help, and this stupid machine doesn't even take into account my personal
circumstances.  i told this to the woman in the bank and she said to me that
if they made decisions about giving people overdrafts based on everyone's
individual circumstances, that would take all day.  i felt so insulted.  the
whole thing is a time-saving (therefore money-saving/cost-cutting)
exercise!!!!
i couldn't bluddy well believe it."

i dont think this the first time that i've come up against "The System" in
my young adult life, but this is the first time its having a directly
negative effect on me and my sanity.  i hate borrowing money from my parents
cos my dad has always tried to control me with his money (the tight-fisted
scheming bastard that he is).
i KNOW life isnt fair.
i KNOW life isnt always logical.
i just thought there might be a bit more common sense and compassion in the
world.  no wonder everything is so fucked up.  society just doesnt trust
anyone anymore.  the whole state is paranoid.
this is why i love B&S and this list so much.  a little haven of niceness
and trust in the middle of this awful awful fucked up society.  which leads
me to the thought that Syeven Wells probably has a lot to answer
for.....cultivating intolerance and ill-feeling.  thoughts on this anyone?
sorry, very long and self-involved post, but thanx for reading (if you got
this far!)
personal replies are always welcomed
love,
karenxxxxxxxx


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