Sinister: Milk ain't the only thing that should be skimmed...

[Laura Llew]

Milkmaids and spinisterines, books and book conventions, solo roadtrips and 
summer flings, work, work, work, work, work. We never see the light of day. 
No one really posts for weeks and rumors has it that Miss Honey ran off with 
a farmhand and has gotten herself knocked up (nothing like a blatantly false 
rumor to start off a post. I’m getting back into the swing of things now, 
baby!). I'm disgusted. I'm sorry but it's not like me, I'm depressed. There 
was what, no one at the mutant squirrel races and we had one entry into the 
Isobel Campbell look-alike contest and
he was disqualified later. Why do I bother? Oh, I never claimed to be a 
"Real Genuis" anyway...

Miss Laura Llew

It’s not just my name. It is a command. I’m gone for the summer and does 
anyone even notice my absence? No sirree (not even Ree!). No one writes. No 
sonnets dedicated in my memory. No Petrarchs being resurrected for me. All I 
want is a small statue made out of spam dedicated to my glory. Is this too 
much to ask? I would even settle for a jello mold that kind of resembles me 
if I were to tilt my head and squint my eyes but noooooooo.

To punish you all, I’m going to shock this list by actually posting some 
musings over our favorite group, Pink Floyd. Erh.... No.  I mean that other 
group we used to talk about. You know, the one with the guy with the twee 
voice and that chic who plays cello with the healthy bum....

Is anyone else wondering when someone will stand up and take credit for 
being the master behind the artwork that inspired the title for the new 
album? Remember what James Carville (close enough) said about those who were 
making claims about Bill Clinton’s deeds (Why are we just now calling him a 
lame duck?) There’s no telling what you’ll get when you drag a 100 dollar 
bill through a trailer park. Well, can you imagine what we’d find trolling 
for a clever bathroom graffiti artists?

I had heard someone mention an article about Belle & Sebastian in a 
respectable magazine like Time. (I like a group featured in Time? Am I 
getting to be middle-aged already?)  I just happened to be in the Doctor’s 
office a couple of weeks later and so I decided to hunt for it. A couple of 
the other people in the waiting room gave me funny looks as I collected all 
of the issues of Time in a neat pile (they’re printed weekly and I didn’t 
know which issue it was in) and methodically went through each one skimming 
for a picture of my future cabana boy.  When I would come up empty, I would 
quickly discard the magazine - tossing it aside almost decapitating some 
wary patients who soon learned the art of ducking.  Six knocked over lamps 
later, I found it! Eureka! (but no pics of Stu in the bath tub).  I can’t 
say a bad thing about Stu but the other members of the band were looking 
kind of shady in their pictures, eh?  There was a 'precious' mention of The 
Catcher in The Rye. The article quoted some internet fan as posting 
something to the effect of, "The new Belle & Sebastian album is beautiful. 
There is a God!!!"  Well, you know it wasn’t it from this list since it 
became uncool to actually like the album. Ignore my cynicism and lets move 
on to a deeper subject of discussion.

I somehow doubt that if there is a God he is going to display his presence 
through a Scottish band’s album. Call me a religious elitist, I know. As all 
southerners know, God only displays his presence through billboards with 
witty saying like, "Nice wedding. Invite me to the marriage", "Which part of 
'thou shalt not' did you not understand?",  "My way is the highway", "The 
ten commandments aren’t multiple choice" and "If you use my name in vain 
again, I’ll make the commute home longer".  Yes, billboards with these 
sayings and then the name GOD penned under it pepper the Interstates of the 
Southern United States. I’m not sure who sponsors them (some reason I think 
the Almighty himself might choose a better color scheme then the pasty 
drabness usually used) but I find them amusing as I’m cruising looking for 
young impressionable boys in which I can sweet talk into buying me lots of 
books.

Mmm, thinking of books I have a new recommendation. It’s a Belle and 
Sebastian recommendation even and I expect you all to read it. I see you 
sweating.Don’t worry it’s a children's book so there are lots of pretty 
pictures.

The Book: Miss Rumphius
The Author: Cooney
The Belle & Sebby Song It Correlates With: I Could Be Dreaming.
The line: "Do something pretty while you can"

It won a book award and I find it quite nice. While I’m not as fond of it as 
Dr. Seuss (who I sport socks dedicated to his characters daily) or "Tuesday" 
(nothing like flying frogs!), I do find it to be a great book with a Belle 
and Sebby theme. Rah!

If I had known that Julie was left by her lonesome in New York, I would have 
dropped by while I was up there last weekend. Jules & I bonded after we both 
found out that we had fallen in love with boys who had wandered into the 
bookstore and bought a book of Dorothy Parker poetry. Oh the things that 
will make young girls swoon!  We could have rented Twin Peaks and had a 
marathon. A friend and I discussed once and figured the elements of such 
would be coffee (well hot chocolate for me and not just because I put a fish 
in the percolator), cherry pie, and a dead girl in a plastic bag for effect. 
You have some extra roommates lying around, don’t you Julie? (Megan, be 
thankful you’re in Oregon).  I checked out the movie "Laura" from the 
Library this weekend. It is an older movie also featuring a dead girl named 
Laura. I recommend it highly but then again I would.

And on a personal note (which is a bit flat) -  I went on my first solo 
roadtrip! I have cut the US horizontally by car almost 10 times by now and 
have taken it from every angle possible so I decided to go straight up to 
New York.  It was just me, my car, a bag of salt & vinegar chips,
root beer, and some shoddy mix tapes. I disturbed myself by at one point 
listening to music in alphabetical order. I had the Silver Jews, Silversun, 
The Smiths, and then I started to scare myself so I threw in Simon & 
Garfunkel to keep myself sane (probably the only time S&G’s music was used 
for that purpose!). I drove the entirety of the beautiful Blue Ridge Parkway 
(a 500 mile scenic drive which cuts through the Blue Ridge Mountains which 
run from Pennsylvania to Georgia. However, the parkway itself only covers 
from North Carolina to the Shenandoah Valley in Virginia where it then turns 
into Skyland Drive and you have to pay a whopping 10 dollars just to drive 
the stinking road which has potholes! All I’m screaming, at the top of my 
lungs like a demon possessed banshee and my  pocket 10 dollars lighter, is 
that if I’m paying that much to drive a drive than I shouldn’t have to 
replace two tires at the end of it. Plus, for ten bucks I could use some 
entertainment like those deer that were just frolicking by the side of the 
road at every curve should have some top hats on and some canes. I wanna a 
musical! and maybe a back massage by the cute forest ranger who took my 
money..). I also met my first Belle and Sebastian fan (besides the sleepy 
eye girl that keeps haunting me in the mirror every time I brush my teeth in 
the morning). We didn’t actually talk about the band but I did catch a 
glimpse of the larger than Llew poster of Joy Division in their room and I 
fell in love instantly. Don’t worry, it wasn’t anyone from the list so I’m 
still a Sinister Virgin and Enigma.

I love you all. That other mailing list meant nothing to me.

Wawa Woo
(my twee name)
‘meeting all of your Laura Llew needs since 1977’

(Name Dropping Time)
PS - Willzebub Porter (aka Preposition Prince), I had to make sure you 
didn’t get bored so I put gramatical errors by the spoonful in there just 
for you. It has nothing at all to do with the fact that rereading what I’ve 
written is more painful than a Kathy Lee Gifford cruise line commercial.

PPS- Velocity Girl, I hope your arm is healing painlessly. Being a 
spinisterine you’re lucky it wasn’t your hip!

PPPS- Jan Imgrund will kick me but I’m my book list is becoming stale and I 
need more recommendations to keep me busy. The current list is found at 
http://perso.club-internet.fr/jimgrund/litlist.htm

PPPPS - Arantxa, I have fallen in love with you. Whether it’s your use of 
sexy words like algonquin table or the fact your name reminds me of Anthrax, 
I know not. Let's form some underground writing guild of some sort. Well, 
we'll use that as a cover and in fact just meet and say snipey things to 
each other.

PPPPPS -  I have also decided to adore William (Bill) Harris. Unless your 
middle name is Andrew and you were born in 1974. Then,  I want my "Angle of 
Repose" book and black fleece with the green trim back NOW, you petty little 
thief.

PPPPPPS- Damon, I’m sorry I didn’t get in touch with you last week. There 
were 'complications' but I’ll be back in the later part of September running 
around the hospital in one of those gowns that don’t close in the back like 
a wild wood nymph screaming for some pain
killers, a tongue depressor, and a stethoscope for a nifty little experiment 
that I’ve been concocting in my mind for months now.

PPPPPPPS - Can Linda be bribed?

PPPPPPPPS - I need a new dark haired, book & pixie loving boy to develop a 
crush on now that the fabled Jim Gilmer has quit the list in favor of some 
writing camp with famous people mentoring him daily. Oh the pain!

PPPPPPPPPS - Can I make my PS’s longer than my actual posts? Dang, this 
thing has been long. I'm sorry.

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