Sinister: B&S fandom/sexual prowess

[Lawrence Mikkelsen]

Someone called 'Head In Clouds' said "Is there any relation between the
music you listen to and your sexual life? Or is just an abusive statement?"
ummm ... I think it kinda is an abusive statement. But, nevertheless, I
attach the following article a freind e-mailed me a year or so ago. (Take as
a given that The Smiths and B&S have a *similar* sort of fanbase .....)

STUDY PROVES SMITHS FANS NOT
              GETTING ANY

             A study conducted by anthropologists at the
             University of Michigan has revealed what many
             music listeners have long suspected: that teen fans
             of U.K. eighties band The Smiths have sexual
             intercourse about one-tenth as often as other teens.
             "It's not that they don't want to have sex," said
             Professor Marvin Mitchelson who led the study "It's
             more a case of their persistent melancholy and lack
             of self-esteem, which makes them completely
             unattractive to their peers."

             The study reveals that while the average teen loses
             their virginity at or around the age of 16, and have
             varied sexual relations approximately 10-15 times a
             year, Smiths fans tend to retain their virginity until
             at least their second year of college, while those who
             are having sex do so an average of two or three
             times a year (but they cry through the whole
             experience). "These fans spend their time idolizing
             dead movie stars, sipping tea, wearing fuzzy
             sweaters and visiting poets' graves. They then go
             home, and they cry and they want to die,"
             Mitchelson explains. "You can understand why their
             leader (Morrissey) claimed to be asexual."

             Local 17 year-old Smiths fan Brian Orzaball said the
             study findings didn't really surprise him. "I was sort
             of seeing this girl Becky from the Drama Club for a
             little while," said Orzaball. "The thing is, she really
             needs to concentrate on her school and her poetry
             right now, and doesn't really have time for a
             relationship." Orzaball added that he "would really
             like to get some", but acknowledged that the
             prospects don't look good for at least the rest of the
             school year.

There. And now ..... THERE IS NO NEED TO MAIL ME, VIA THE LIST, OR OFF-LINE,
WITH A JUSTIFICATION OF YOUR SEXUAL PROWESS. I will not take kindly to any
e-mails saying things like "I like B&S and I'm a huge great stud" or "I
slept with 28 men/women last night" etc. The above is supposed to be
*funny*.

So there .....

Lawrence


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