Sinister: A depressing email enclosed delete now

[Katrina O'Donnell]

It is my birthday. I spent it with my therapist who told me today that the 
only emotion I react to is sadness. I can't help it but for the past three 
years thats the only emotion I have had.(It his fault, he won't give me 
drugs as it isn't chemical). I know somewhere out there, there is a place 
where I will be happy. I know it is there because when I want to see it, it 
is there but like my eye sight it is becoming out of focus. I am 24 and I am 
sure I am having my mid twenties breakdown. I was sitting at work the other 
day and started crying uncontrollably (not for the first time) because I was 
sure the words on the sheet said something completely different to what they 
really did say. I am sure the early stages of alzimers is setting in. My 
mother is only sixty this year and 9 times out of 10 has to be reminded who 
I am. When I call her Mum she calls me mum back. It hurt me so much. She is 
still there but gone.
I just hate London it traps me and it won't let me go. I can't get away from 
it.

My therapist tells me this place I dream of arriving at and suddenly being 
happy doesn't exsist. i am just kidding myself. He says if I don't deal with 
my problems I'll never be happy no matter where I turn to. I need a 
therapist who comforts not scares.

                          Kathyn

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