Sinister: i think i'm hyper enough as it is

[ipecac spice]

i keep playing that lyric through my head. i am in a daze today. this
morning i woke-up and thought to myself: "i don't have to go to class
today maybe i will just stay in bed" but then my mom came and said "don't
you have to get up?" so i said "yes" and dragged my self out of bed and
went to class. just one more (although it's 2 hours) and then i'm free!

after having been away from you all for slightly over a week i feel
somewhat hesitant to write. i feel out of the loop. it's like when you
know your friends aren't really doning anything but that if you don't go
you might somehow miss out on the one time sommething happens. anyway...i
know you're all dying to know what happened with the boyfriend. (sarcasm).
well. i got up there a week ago friday and as soon as i saw him it wasn't
going to be the same. the next night we broke-up. luckily we still had a
really good time for the rest of the week. although it was somewhat bad
b/c he can't understand why i broke-up with him when we get on so well
and i nearly forgot myself. everything was the same between us i just saw
it all differently and i couldn't go back to seeing things the way i used
to. i am feeling a bit more reconciled now. however he is under the
impression that we were "meant to be" and that when he gets back
everything will be ok. he's such a wonderful guy but he is not right for
me. i don't mind being alone right now but i fear spending the rest of my
life alone. i might not even mind that (as long as i could have a few
flings or something) if i knew that i would have friends who would end up
alone too. it's not that i want a relationship it's just that i don't want
everyone but me to be in relationships. i could wait a good while before
settling down but my fear is that by the time i'm ready all the good guys
will be happily paired off. oh well. i have always been a pessimist but
somewhere along the line i think i may have become an optimist and i now
believe that everything will work itself out in the end.

happiness to you all,

di


he who hates is to be pitied, but he who loves is to be pitied more
-german proverb

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