Sinister: story

[stefan van der heijden]

I am sitting in the library, going through my e-mails. I am bored. There is 
nothing to do. Nothing exciting at least. I am staring at the bearded man 
sitting right in front of me. I've come to suspect him to be working on some 
kind of thesis. I think he must be a religious person, because when I passed 
him a few minutes ago to go to the toilet, I happened to notice the gigantic 
Christian cross on his screen. He was trying to cut it down to a certain 
size, but for what purpose exactly I don't know, and I didn't dare ask him. 
Maybe he was a priest in disguise, or just someone obsessed with crosses. 
Maybe his is gonna be the work that's gonna prove once and for all that it 
was all a lie, whatever that may be.
Yesterday I went over to my friend Jop's house. First me, him, and his 
girlfriend Nancy, whom I have known for six or seven years now, drank coffee 
and listened to a Johnny Cash record. Johnny was singing bout rings of fire, 
while the three of us enjoyed our sunday's rest.
Then me and Jop went upstairs to record this little song I wrote Saturday 
night. Saturday night, let's see....I was lying on my couch, it was about 
02:00, very night and very dark. The cat was trying to convince me it really 
need to go outside, but because she underwent surgery a few days ago, that 
option was totally out of the question, as far as I'm concerned.
Anyway, I had just decided I would not go out for a beer anymore. I  was 
gonna stay at home and write a song about Leonardo DiCaprio. Not that I'm 
obsessed with Leo, not in the sexual sense at least, I just love the way his 
name sounds. Try it for yourself, it's not something to feel bad about: Take 
three deep breaths and use your most poetic voice:
L E O N A R D O   DI  C A P R I O. Anyway, twenty minutes later, I had some 
sort of a lyric, and I decided it was time to go to bed.
  And there was Jop and me, recording it the day after. I must say it came 
out pretty well, me doing both lead and harmony vocals, and Jop playing 
guitar and keyboard. It's complete  title is "Drinking Pinacoladas (Leonardo 
DiCaprio)", and it's kind of dirty. I want to write more songs about famous 
people and the kinky things they do, cause it's so much fun.

Well, I think I have to go now. The use 30-minute shifts here, because 
everybody wants to spill their guts out on the internet these days.
Anyway, beardy guy is gone, either to take a piss or praying somewhere
he's gonna be able to finish his piece before the world explodes. I think 
I'm gonna go to the University for a coffee. Hey, what can I say: it's 
monday, I'm bored. By the way: a very beautiful girl is now standing in 
front of beardie's screen. I just hope she doesn't delete his stuff. Bye 
people.

Love, Stefan


By the way: my next essay to be posted onto this list, is going to be 
entitled "What to do when you live together with someone who is completely 
and totally obsessed with Sarah Michelle Gellar, aka Buffy the Vampire 
Slayer", but if any of you think I'm getting way out of line here, just let 
me know.









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