Sinister: i just noticed all of my pants have little worn marks on the pockets from my chap stick

[jason luther]

isnt the word 'indiepop' an oxymoron? just a thought. messy hair would
defiantly have to be included in the list, along with stories of adolescent
hardships, and cellos in the music. im sure i could think of many others,
but i dont want to hog.
    i was intending on writing yesterday, it was sunday, so i was in a
terrible mood, but i was occupying my time making a mix tape for my friend
who is going to europe, she needed music to keep her head on the plane.
although she detests belle and sebastain, i still made a killer tape. since
today is monday, and i had a time fighting with my cunt of a boss just a
little while ago, i am feeling better. i love arguing, im GRATE at it. but
yesterday and this morning i felt like shit. i think i may be falling in
love with the girl im dating, but there is still a part of me that doesnt
want to, so im in a bit of a turmoil. sighhh.
    she isnt the girl i love now and will always love, but she is still a
very wonderful person. she challenges me, and makes fun of me. i love that.
people are afraid to challenge me and poke fun, even in good nature. i think
its because i am attractive and smart (im quite conceded too), but its like
people look at me differently, and are afraid i wont like them if they dont
treat me like a higher person. perhaps im wrong, and im totally obsessing
over this, but im afraid im right. being who i am is a major pain sometimes.
    last night my friends keep bringing up the topic of what i want to do
for the rest of my life. and thats like the thing that gets to me the most.
im 21, and going for a business degree, hate business, and have no idea what
i want to do. i know many others are in the same boat, but it just really
gets to me. so the whole time during dinner (after seeing'american beauty'
no less) i had to explain what i think about doing and what i dont want to
do. at this point i just want to be like 'kane in kung fu, you know, walk to
earth' (yes i stole that, but from where....?)
    well..... my piss mood has returned, time to go pick a fight
    have a fulfilling day,

    jason the confused

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