Sinister: its a shame he had to be so mean, but I felt compelled...

[idle berry]

...to get revenge.

My twatmate is still being a tosser. Which isn't good.
Especially the night before my exam,
insulting my family,
insulting me (hey, whats new....)
and leaving me in a bad mood.

Its as if something snapped.

I actually said something quite sharp to him. For a
change. Rather than leaving it with him getting the
last word. Imagine living with Steven Wells... with an
attitude problem towards YOU constantly. And add a
dash of extra ugliness, nastiness and pure undiluted
evil bastard qualities to it. Season it with anal
retentiveness, and serve up with arrogance and
ingorance to bring out the flavours.
Do that for a year.
Have no real escape mechnism.
Have no chance of getting out of that ugly little
flat, with its uglier flatmates.
Have nobody to help you. 
Have the support and sympathy of people, but still be
stuck with the same situation, night after night.

And try to stop yourself making some comment about his
mother and her lack of birth control by the end of it.


I won't tell you all the gory details, but you can
believe that I felt a little aggrieved. I didn't need
extra grief the night of my exam.

So I phoned a few friends.

Two were on student radio, and played me a song to
cheer me up. Unfortunately, it was in hudderfield, but
that didn't matter.

Then I sat playing my guitar for a bit, making angry
mogwai noises with the amp turned up and feeling quite
inspired to feel angry.

When I eventually went to bed, I dreamt I was being
kicked repeatedly. I think its something to do with
how powerless I felt.

I just need to get out of the house, get out of that
room, and get away from him.

As soon as possible really.

Came into uni exrta early. Nobody about, it was 7am,
so I sat on the steps and read a story in Danish about
wolves being found a new place to live, when people
think they can be domesticated. 

It was quite a nice story, and it helped me with my
revision. When I remembered I had a twenty four hour
computer access card, I went and logged on, and
chatted away to people on the internet I'd never
spoken to before.

Its amazing how sympathetic people can be when you're
just another anonymous face.

It made me feel good. 

Oh, and my revenge wasn't very nice thing to do, but
it was discrete, it was perfect, and it gave me a
little piece of satisfaction.

If you want to know what it is, you'll have to mail
me. ;)

My exam went alright, actually, the danish was the
easiest. Maybe it was because it was taken from the
story I had been reading before.

The invigilator warned us not to cheat, and if we had
any notes could we hand them in now. Sensing the
tension in the air, one of my classmates spoke up and
said he had some notes, and suddenly wanted to hand
them in, because she made him feel guilty. It wasn't
true of course, but I had to refrain from giggling. 

Almost the minute I walked out the door I wanted to go
and check when the resits are. I did badly, but right
now, it doesn't matter. I have other things on my
mind.

Pressure does funny things to my mind some times.

I have one exam on Saturday, but I'm not too worried
about it. Its in English, which makes me relax. Its
about Scandinavia, politics, welfare state, culture,
UN, history in the 20th century... that  sort of
thing.
But my teacher made it a good class, so i don't mind
taking the exam.

Then I'm off to see my boyfriend straight after. I'll
spend about ten days with him, relaxing in a calm
atmosphere where I feel happy, and secure and I'm
really really looking forward to it.

I've asked my parents to get here as soon as possible
to pick me up, and all my belongings, to get me out of
that house as soon as I can. technically, I have less
than two weeks left in his company, but that seems all
too much.

I think it hurt less when I had my belly button
pierced.

Its like being ill on a ship, or waiting in a queue to
see someone important about something bad. It takes so
long to pass. You just want to be on the other side,
out of the wait.

But until then, until Saturday at least, It will just
have to be heads down (thumbs up?). 

grr.







=====
http://www.geocities.com/idleberry

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