Sinister: I've nothing against experiencing life...

[julesmarkham]

hey folks
 I have been silent of late, I know. forgive me,
 but I have been stretched on the anvil of life and
 the world has been hammering upon me like a cheap lump of
 aluminium.
 I met a guy who was nice enough, until he got me drunk, slept with me, then
 kicked me out of his house like I was a whore. my granddads bones are
 seizing up, and he's starting to crumble like chalk. It's like watching one
 of those speeded up films of a mountain being eroded by wind and rain and
 time.
 there is this pain inside me, too high to be my cervix, to low to be my
 heart, like a long needle has been pushed into my navel. It's been here for
 three days, since that guy pulled on his shirt and told me to leave, not
 even looking me in the eye. I've worked my way down the list of
 possibilities like a scientific experiment. It isn't hunger, it isn't love,
 or fear, or panic. This dull ache that wont be eased by sodium bicarbonate,
 milk, massage or sleep. It isn't an ulcer or digestive troubles. All I can
 imagine it must be is geology.
 strata's of rock are formed by minerals, pressure and time. perhaps I am
 going through an evolutionary phase? perhaps my body has collected the dust
 in the air and is lining my body with rock. The pain inside me is layer
upon
 layer of stone, an internal wall. perhaps I am forming an exoskeleton,
 tomorrow I will be a spider...
 I have nothing against experiencing life, just that somedays its weight is
 more than I can bare.
 there is dust in the corner of my eyes where there should be tears.
 but now I have lapsed into bad poetry, and I need to sleep.
 there is a black fox who once had a rock for a heart. she sings in her
 sleep, a smudge of charcoal in the darkness.


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