Sinister: american pernod with your older sister

[kaytee]

hello sinister.

today i was feeling restless. i managed to organise my restlessness into
going for a walk round the grassy bit near my house, listening to a tape
someone kindly made me, called 'ducks on a pond' / 'ships at sea'. this is a
good thing to do i think cos your thoughts can wander. but i was still
restless but in a different way. not really a bad way. just my thoughts
would get so far and then kind of flick back, like in a loop.

also i was thinking about something i read that said it's good if you can do
something great/beautiful or whatever, and be glad about it, but not be any
more (or less) glad than if it had been done by someone else.

and i was thinking that it works the other way too: if someone else does
something good, it's very hard not to be jealous, but if they do it in a way
that seems like they don't care it was them who did it, it just had to be
done, then you don't feel so jealous even (especially) if it is very very
good. like when there's a really good band or author, it goes beyond making
you jealous, you're just happy that it's there at all.

the trouble was, the place i was walking is pretty small cos i was too lazy
to walk to a proper park, so i was kind of going round in circles a bit. in
the end i went on a swing in the playground (i wasn't trying to be twee - it
was getting quite late by then so there was no-one to see me) and my tape
was still playing and i could see across the hills. then i stopped thinking
so much and it was better.

kaytee
x

ps. the subject line is my mis-hearing of the boy with the arab strap. that
is how you spell the drink isn't it, with a silent d?


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