Sinister: my fallow summertime

[Meredith57 at xxx.com]

Dear Sinister,

I saw someone who looked exactly like you the other day. So I ran up and 
knocked him in the back of his head with the heel of my hand, but when he 
turned around in blood-spitting anger I realized that it was not in fact you 
and I scampered away mumbling apologies.

I've been home from school for a month, and I stumbled into employment a few 
weeks ago. Now I am working as a secretary for a multimillionaire who owns 
half of suburban Philadelphia. He has been having a lot of trouble keeping 
secretaries; they always seem to quit after just a short period of time. Of 
course, he has no idea why. (I, however, am starting to get a clue.) I do not 
see quitting as an option for me, because, well... ahem... he's my uncle. 
Wonderful situation, wouldn't you say? It's not too bad, I have a gift for 
pointless organization and I am fairly good at playing secretary. 
Nonetheless, I don't see a career opportunity here, because telephones make 
me terribly nervous.

After work I wander home to lay on my bed and listen to music, drifting in 
and out of sleep until it's too late to nap. Then I get up and take a bath. 
Sometimes I look at my photo albums and laugh. It's lonely and it's quiet but 
it's ok for now. I really enjoy reading all of your letters. Who was it who 
told you that spending a summer wasting is a dangerous thing? Was it that 
heavyset fellow with the intricate comb-over? Oh, it doesn't matter. In any 
case, whoever it was, he's a venomous liar. Any good farmer would gladly 
explain to him that a season or two of weeds will increase productivity in 
the end. If you need the phone number of a good farmer, just ask my uncle.

I had my first Belle and Sebastian dream the other day. Actually, it was a 
Stuart David dream. I discovered a cookbook in my kitchen and on the cover it 
said, "Stuart David's Gorgeous Desserts" with a picture of an old, smiling 
man holding up trays of desserts that were in fact quite pretty and 
well-decorated. I thought to myself, "That scoundrel, he's an old man and 
he's been fooling us all with that young, dashing but unconvincing stand-in!" 
However, later in my dream my brother introduced me to his friend Stuart 
David, who was the real Stuart David. When I questioned him in confusion, he 
sheepishly explained to me that the other fellow was a cunning impostor, and 
I felt wretched for having jumped to conclusions. 

One thing before I go ... We always tell each other about our beautiful 
dreams but not about the ugly ones. A few nights ago (in a dream, of course), 
I threw a boy down on the pavement and kicked him until he was nearly dead. 
Of course, he was trying to kidnap me to the land of evil, but still I didn't 
have to smash his teeth in or break his jaw. Sometimes you wake up from a 
dream with an ethereal breath in your lungs and the memory of that dream is 
just such a treasure, blah blah blah but sometimes you wake up and you are 
horrified and disgusted. Sometimes you dream about urine and vomit and war 
and stingrays and fat, sweaty, sobbing, tyrannical naked cartoon queens. 
Errr, I mean, sometimes I do.

Respectfully,

Meredith

P.S. I too am suspicious of rabbits. Whenever I jog by them on the road, they 
run away from me. However, they make it a point to run out of their safe 
little bushes with a terrified look in their eyes, stand petrified for a 
second or two in front of me, and then tear back into an identical safe 
little bush. It's just as if they want to make it completely clear that they 
are running from me. The other day a whole pack of squirrels, six or seven of 
them, raced in panic from a tree just moments before I passed in order to 
hide in a tree on the opposite side of the road. A snub from the animal 
kingdom.

P.P.S. If you're wondering about the queen, you will be relieved to know that 
I gave her a warm bath for her nerves and wrapped her in a soft, immense 
towel fresh from the dryer (just like her daddy used to do) and she decided 
not to cut off my head.

* * *
M.D.H.
The Disenchanted Pony
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