Sinister: Serpentine Turpentine

[Phillip Runion]

dear sinister list,
      does contemplating how thoroughly you've chewed your rice indicate 
that things are at a definite standstill? The last sinister thing i've done 
was to steal an overwhelming amount of butter from the university caf in 
order to make grilled cheeses; the last refuge of a broke college student. 
This happened twice last year, too.
      ok. so it could be argued that chewing rice is perhaps pointless as it 
is so small, but i for one must chew my rice, and the reason i was 
contemplating its well chewedness was because of devastating confrontation 
with the evil Mr. Strep Throat, that left me bed ridden and thoroughly 
pissed for two days. The Bastard. I didn't want any smart assed rice 
shrapnel to catch a swollen piece of tonsil and rip it open, causing me, in 
addition to having trouble swallowing, to choke on my own blood.
        Jello just isn't the same without really good whipped cream. I'm the 
type who likes to have a bit of the WC with each spoonful of jello. I saw 
this one kid pull the lid off his jello cup and devour the whole of the 
whipped cream puff without any reservation, and obviously in clear disregard 
of his own taste buds. It was a serious boggle, that i just couldn't 
understand. I approached the jello-eater in question, removed my left glove, 
and swiftly swatted him across the right cheek and demanded that he explain 
his misconduct in blatantly disrespecting his strawberry flavored ground up 
horse hooves. A Horse Died For That Jello!! i shouted at him as he cowered, 
How Dare You Not Eat It In Proportion To The Whipped Cream Provided!! By 
this time, security had showed up, so i calmly explained the situation. They 
looked up to heaven and mouthed: why, God, are there such imbeciles? 
lowering their bewildered stares they exclaimed simultaneously, Who taught 
you to eat jello you blundering idiot, don'y you have any respect? I back 
away, my job done. He'd learned his lesson. If he ever ate it again, he 
would eat jello in the proper fashion.
         Search me.
        I merely looked at the el scorcho single yesterday and i dreamt that 
i slept with a half-japanese girl.
        I enjoy being a dearest heart. It fits me like a blue monkey glove. 
Nice to here from you again. French bread sound a safer bet as i've no 
desire to be run-through, even by a lovely canadian. Better to be pummeled 
with a crusty loaf, as mum always said.
        Clarifier. Jello is not jelly which is jam which is not a slam dunk; 
it is gelatin. I've experienced a lot of US/UK confusion over this. It's 
actually a brand name converted to mean anything gelatin.
        In an attempt at content: I wonder if Stuart has chest hair, and if 
yes, if he shaves it.
        Finally, which ever of you sent it, your room must be a terrifying 
sight if there are dead Germans lying about from the WWII era. Perhaps a bit 
of tidying up is in order.

Yours,
phil r

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