Sinister: Cheese, Tomato, Ham, Pineapple, Heroin

[Neil Iain McGilp]

Hey folks,
Following a personal silence of several aeons this 
afternoon I felt strangely compelled to share some of the 
random gibberish currently cluttering up my tired little 
mind.

***B&S Content***

B&S's infiltration of the mainstream continues apace. 
Following on from their appearance on Roswell (which I 
never saw, I find the whole genre of American teen TV 
highly disconcerting; these kids are far too 
well-scrubbed and attractive and mature(not to mention 
verbose. My vocabulary at the age of fourteen consisted of 
a series of embarrassed stammers and grunts) unless the 
whole of the U.S. has an entirely zit-free adolesence, 
(which I guess is possible) they lack even the slightest 
relation to real life (I had a memorable falling out with 
an ex-girlfriend (and Dawson's Creek fan) over this)), B&S 
cropped up on Brookside (of all places) the other night 
(Note: For those of you not in the know "Brookie" is an 
admirably absurd soap opera set in Liverpool.) During a 
typical soap opera dinner party Jacqui Dixon (upwardly 
mobile twenty-something, jilted at altar, sold child for 
cash) was heard to describe Belle and Sebastian as "crap 
programme, great band" (or words to that effect) more 
alarmingly yet "The Boy With The Arab Strap" was audible in 
the background (although it was subsequently replaced by 
"Love is All Around" by Wet Wet Wet. Take from that what 
you will).

***More Close Encounters of the B&S Kind***

As if that wasn't peculiar enough, I recently sighted B&S 
posters on the wall at an incredibly strange, druggy party 
in Aberdeen, where I was repeatedly accosted by a very 
excitable Frenchman, an ageing hippy and a guy who was 
trying to organise Aberdeen's first Lesbian, Gay and 
Bisexual football team (they were the only three people 
there still capable of speech). In the background the DJ 
was playing Alice Deejay. The joys of living in a 
(relative) backwater.

***Wantin' Yer Ba's Bootit?***

I've been quite shocked/amused by the reaction of various 
listees to the West of Scotland's ned problem, (re. Jen 
getting whacked in the head). They're pretty much endemic 
to the area (I should know, I'm from Hamilton, and hence 
inevitably have occaisionally been subjected to acts of 
"nedism") and they would actually be funny if they weren't 
such evil wee shites.
For example, my all time favourite piece 
of ned dialogue:
(Scene: Ned in standard uniform (Greasy hair, Kappa tracky 
("Pure mintit, chief"), Rangers or Celtic shirt (delete 
where applicable), is attempting to extort cash from 
unfortunate victim. Cue Brave interloper:
Brave interloper: "Leave him alone!"
Ned (threateningly (and in all seriousness), to Brave 
Interloper): "Wantin me tae leave YOU alane?" 
I guess you had to be there at the time.
Cheers,
Iain McG.



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